Off to see howling bells on monday!
bring the noise...

1. the hoff is the only person to ever beat a wall in a game of tennis.
2. there is no theory of evolution, just animals the hoff alows to survive.
3. when david hasslehoff donates blood, he declines the syringe and instaed requsts a handgun and a bucket.
4. in an average room there are 1424 objects the hoff could kill you with, including the room itself.
5.the video game 'doom' is loosley based on the time satan borrowed 2 bucks from david hasslehoff and forgot to pay him back.
6. the hoff can count backwards from infity
7. crop circles are david's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down!
8.the guiness book of world records is just a list of those who are the closest thing to the hoff.
9. david hasslehoff isn't lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
10. hoff has 2 speeds: walk and kill.
11. hoff is the reason wally is hiding.
12. hoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. at night.
13. you are what you eat, hence hoff's diet of bricks, steel and the tears of small children.
14.hoff's only fast food order is his 'fillet o' child' man-wich.
15. hoff played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
16. on his birthday, the hoff selects on lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
17. whenever the hoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
18. the hoff invented black. in fact the entire visible spectrum. except pink. tom cruise invented pink. but the hoff likes it to be known that his telekenisis made tom do it, as pink was deemed 'unworthy' of the hoff creation. hoff invented telekenisis.
19. hoff coined the phrase 'i could eat a horse' after eating the last unicorn in existance.
20. the hoff haunts freddy kreuger's nightmares.

the best plans are made when drunk. example: me and my friend dan, after copious amounts of beer decide what we need is a trip to london to see a punk band called the horrorpops. sounds like a solid plan, but for 2 drawbacks:1. it's sold out. 2. we don't know where it is. did this stop us? HELL NO! so after a trip to london on the train in which we freaked out the people around us by arguing that there was a squid in the gap between the platform and train, hence 'mind the gap', we arrive. we thought a good starting point for our gig seach would be trafalgar square for the simple reason i knew that the national gallery(which is right next to trafalgar square) was giving out free de koninick(or something) beer. it was nice. so then dan suggests we go to the astoria, as they may know where the gig is. so at tottenhan court road tube station, when we get off the train we see a group of people with brightly coloured mohawks, so we figure we're on the right track. we followed the punks, ninja-style(failed a lot-probably coz of the beer) to a small venue 2 doors down from the astoria, which turns out to be the charing cross mean fiddler, where the gig is. one problem solved. now for getting in. we try the touts, but they only have one ticket. we figure we're screwed, if the touts can't get tickets, who can? but still, we que up to get in, and low and behold the guy on the door says there are about 4 tickets for sale on the door! WOO! we're in. 2 support acts: the dead pets(ace british punk act) and left alone(alright LA punk act). so the horrorpops come on after an interval just long enough for dan to get to the toilets and hurl. 3 things you should know 'bout the 'pops: 1. there is no bass guitar in sight, instead a double bass. 2. their lead singer is HOT. 3. they funking ROCK. so after the show, with impared hearing and the number of a very cute girl i met, dan and i join the long, slow que to get our coats back. the good thing 'bout this is we met the bassest from dead pet(who gave me a cool wristband) and the drummer for the horrorpops! OH YEAH!! what could ruin this night, you ask? missing the last cocking train. well, not so much missing it, but we got there, pressed the door button, it stayed shut and the train guard waves the train off. so what now? wait in london? no, too easy. chase the train? too hard. we get a train to staines and taxi to ascot. or half way, as the moneys gave out at this point. so after a walk home in the cold cold night, i realise i have lost my hearing. it may have been temperary, but it freaked me out at the time.

ah, good times...