The author has been forced into a position where she must define, for the benefit of 'certain individuals', the difference between a "splosher" and someone who accidently sat in a very badly positioned piece of (organic) chocolate and raspberry tart - while on the dart. Firstly, a splosher is someone who takes erotic pleasure in the act of smothering his or herself in gooey food based substances, such as custard, chocolate mousse or - cake. Someone who accidentally sits on some tart on the dart is not by this definition a splosher. Granted, it seems wildly coincidental that in the strange world of the splosher, sitting on tart or cake is regarded as the most erotic of all acts....... However, the author reserves the right to preserve the dignity of the accidental splosher by defending her acts and pointing out that one certain individual was actually responsible for the whole mshap in the first place when she failed to pay due attention to the location of the previously mentioned (organic) chocolate and raspberry tart..... The author would not stoop so low as to name names in this instance, but none-the-less reserves the right to do so in the very near future and in a very public way, if certain references to "tartarse" and "the splosher" are not removed from the public domain.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

"I'm having and existential crisis!!!!", Jodie. "Sluts, oh SLUTS", Ed. "Do you think this tent might work without poles??" Ed and Shane. "I'm a mfirestarter, twisted firestarter", Louise. "Lets kidnap one of the children from that other campsite, coz that would be really funny" (very drunk at this stage) Rob, Adam and Josie. "Lets just kidnap Ed instead", Josie and Rob. "I mean really, who spits these these days?", Josie. "I'm having another existential crisis!!!", Jodie. "Really Ed, I wouldn't usually accept tis kind of patriarchal, misogenistic, massochistic bullshit from anyone, but I am willling to accept it from you as you have had sufficient training in this area", Josie. MORE TO COME