1. Spandex makes excellent armour in battle, seeing as it never tears, even if it is attacked head-on with a sword.

2. Policemen, firemen, FBI agents, and other law enforcement officers cannot do their jobs correctly, so instead they have teenagers in neon jumpsuits do it for them.

3. No one has time to worry about burglars or terrorist threats because they are all to preoccupied running away from the giant, mutated monsters that are currently chasing them.

4. All teenagers have perfect teeth, maintain an A+ average, and know 206 different types of martial arts.

5. If you are fighting a mutant monster and are hit with any type of weapon with a blade, you will not bleed or receive a physical injury. Instead, sparks will shoot from your body as you fall to the ground in slow motion.

6. If you get a new teacher this year who is young, hot, has constant staring matches with your new, young, hot principal, and catches that rubber band you just shot at him without looking up from his desk, take it as an early warning and move to Europe.

7. Heroes come in many colours, including white, black, pink, yellow, green, blue, crimson, navy, titanium, and of course the all-powerful red.

8. You may not be old enough to drive, but you're never too young to pilot a 50 story robot.

9. Everyone knows how to diffuse a bomb.

10. Don't worry about the 5-year-old kid that was just crushed beneath the ceiling--no one ever dies from their injuries. They'll just walk funny for a few days afterwards.

11. When going into battle, always have several cheesy catch phrases ready to be yelled at your opponent at anytime--this goes for both the good and bad guys.

12. The standard equipment for all law enforcement personnel is as follows: a sword, some sort of laser-firing weapon (usually in the format of a gun), a 3-inch thick helmet that completely surrounds the head and weighs approximately 7 pounds, a nerd who does nothing else in life but sit around and come up with new weapon upgrades, and a giant robotic animal of some kind.

13. If you play a musical instrument in battle, do not expect it to sound like the actual instrument that you are playing (Example: a flute will sound like a trumpet, and so on and so forth…)

14. When you defeat your opponent, they do not just die; they spontaneously combust in a fiery explosion the size of Rhode Island.

15. If you live in a small town on the coast of California that no one has ever heard about (yet has an excellent tourist industry), expect it to be attacked by an evil wacko and his army of mutant freaks bent on world domination before you graduate high school.

16. If you have a sibling about your age (biological, half, step, twin, ect.), expect the evil wacko to brainwash them, turn them evil (especially if you have a twin), and pit them against you eventually.

17. If you do not have a sibling…expect to be surprised very soon…

18. Rome wasn't built in a day, but small metropolitan cities rebuild themselves overnight.

19. Whenever you arrive to a battle, make sure to procrastinate until the last second, yell at the top of your lungs, and break every law of physics.

And Finally…

20. If the evil mastermind is so freakin strong and powerful, WHY DOESN'T HE DESTROY YOU HIMSELF INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME WITH WEAK LACKEYS?!? C'mon now, really…

Fun Things to do in a Crowded Lift




1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.

3) Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

4) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

5) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".

6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

7) Sell Girl Scout cookies.

On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

9) Shave.

10) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off

13) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

16) One word: Flatulence!

17) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

1 Do Tai Chi exercises.

19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

20) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"

21) Give religious tracts to each passenger.

22) Meow occasionally.



23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

25) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

26) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

27) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

2 Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

29) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

30) Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

31) Leave a box between the doors.

32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

34) Start a sing-along.

35) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

36) Play the harmonica.

37) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

3 Lean against the button panel.

39) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

40) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

42) Bring a chair along.

43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

44) Blow spit bubbles.

45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

47) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

4 Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?"

52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?"

53) Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes

53) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has