if ye love me ye will for da laugh...


1..I wanted you to come meet me at a party:

2..I said I loved you:

3..I kissed you:

4..I lived next door to you:

5..I became a drug addict:

6..I was in a stolen car:

7..I was hospitalized:

8..I ran away from home and didnt come back:

9..I got into a fight and you were there:

Hello seen im gone to paradise i still dont wanna forget ye so come on stick in a memory

Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.

Lois: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?

Stewie: You know what else is disgusting? (He farts and his right eye turns red.) Oh damn, I broke a blood vessel.

Butler (cuts eggs): Your eggs are cut sir.
Stewie: Cut my milk!
Butler: I can't sir, it's liquid.
Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it, and if you question me again I'll put you on diaper detail and I promise I won't make it easy for you

Meg: Mom guess what! I made the Flag Girl squad
Stewie: Flag Girl? Ummmm, yes good for you... Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call!
Lois Griffin: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water, it's not gonna bite.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you!

Stewie (reading the Bible)" My my, what a thumping good read, lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two by fours. I'll say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak English!
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy (Spanish): Que?

Peter- Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!
Brian (after Peter falls down and starts screaming): I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything.


Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!

Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!
Bart: Go orange!
Nelson: Go grapefruit!
Ralph: Go Banana!

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Homer: [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay
Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Homer: I've learne