Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice

"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.

When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit miffed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.

The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

Well and truly pissed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ass. You get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mic and starts to sing ..... " A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

BEST.ARTICLE.EVAR!


A MARRIED Premier League manager has filmed himself bedding a blonde lover in a shocking hour-long video.

Soccer boss Paul Jewell is today filmed scoring a shameful OWN GOAL—as he romps with a married blonde lover behind his devoted wife's back.

The Derby County manager hits the net more times than his relegation-haunted team have managed all season in a sleazy HOUR-LONG home-made BONDAGE PORN VIDEO.

Dad-of-two Jewell likes to portray himself as a staunch family man. And he has even bragged that he gives his players marriage guidance counselling.

But all that is as forgotten as Derby's last victory as the portly Scouser—whose club is aptly nicknamed the Rams—pounds away at his mystery busty blonde in a series of sessions filmed in living rooms and a bedroom.

He also videos her sprawled near-naked in graphic poses over a Mercedes.

And before the match kick-off excited Jewell can be seen painstakingly setting up his camcorder on the sidelines, hopping to and fro as he laboriously works out his TACTICS, ANGLES and POSITIONS.

Today the club's chairman and fans might think it's a pity Jewell didn't show the same passion for detail in his job this season.

When it all kicks off the 43-year-old multi-millionaire:

STRAPS his champagne-swigging lover to a bed using silk ties.

BRINGS on a SEX TOY as a substitute when he runs out of steam.

SLAPS her bottom and face and pulls her hair as the blonde, wearing only black suspenders, stockings and studded black boots, writhes in passion.

KEEPS his T-shirt on to hide his overweight midfield as he goes for goal in a variety of formations.

Here are the dramatic action replays of highlights from Jewell's sordid match away from wife Ann-Marie, 45.

FIRST LEG: The camera pans across a living room and a beige leather sofa before focusing on the opposition—a blonde in her 30s wearing nothing but a wedding and engagement ring, black lacy knickers and bra and those studded suede boots.

Spanks
Jewell's trousers and pants go down faster than Derby in May (they lost AGAIN yesterday, 1-0 at Middlesbrough) before he leaps on her, rattling in goal after goal for a full ten minutes.
Apart from little moans and grunts, his only commentary throughout the grubby proceedings is that he can hear a milkman passing outside.

SECOND LEG: The action switches to a small bedroom with white wardrobes and doors where Jewell's girl swigs from a flute of champagne.

After careful tinkering with the camera angle, Jewell— who is on a £1.5million per season three-and-a-half-year contract with the Rams—appears wearing a black T-shirt to cover his paunch.

His shapely girlfriend wears expensive-looking gold jewellery, a black silk camisole, suspenders and stockings. Jewell straps her wrists to the bedposts with silk ties. He then spanks and slaps her in his bid to get her in the mood before getting down to his usual tactics.

The soccer boss, more used to bawling instructions at his under-achieving players from the sideline at Pride Park, pants to his lover: "Do you like that?" Her non-committal reply is: "Oh ****ing hell, Paul."

But then the former player—who turned out for Liverpool, Wigan and Bradford—starts showing a lack of match fitness as he finds it hard to keep up the pace. Showing that, despite the rough stuff, he's not without manners in the bedroom, he tells her: "I'm sweating. Be nice. Don't worry about upsetting me, tell me I'm sweating."

Then he decides he's sweated enough and brings on a sex toy before filming himself pleasuring his lover with it.

He is seen moving his camera into a number of different locations and even lying on the floor to check whether it will catch all the on-field action.

FLOODLIT FINAL: Jewell's home-made video swaps to a further romp. This time in a living room lit only by a lamp, he feels confident enough to perform bare-topped. But his paunch is cl

"The FBI has recently adopted a novel investigative technique: posting hyperlinks that purport to be illegal videos of minors having sex, and then raiding the homes of anyone willing to click on them.

Undercover FBI agents used this hyperlink-enticement technique, which directed Internet users to a clandestine government server, to stage armed raids of homes in Pennsylvania, New York, and Nevada last year. The supposed video files actually were gibberish and contained no illegal images.

A CNET News.com review of legal documents shows that courts have approved of this technique, even though it raises questions about entrapment, the problems of identifying who's using an open wireless connection--and whether anyone who clicks on a FBI link that contains no child pornography should be automatically subject to a dawn raid by federal police. "




I am so busted....