I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 1 in the world.

However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,Jewish or Buddhist religions,

this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according

to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per

household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that
there is at least one good child in each.

II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time

zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household

with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out,jump

down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat

whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and

get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly

distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false,but will accept for the

purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total

trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's

sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes

of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4

miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each

child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying

over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can

pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times

the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --- Santa would

need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh,

another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not

the monarch).

IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance

--- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the

earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy

per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the

reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.The entire reindeer

team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa

reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result

of accelerating from a dead stop 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to

centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be

pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones

and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

I think this is a quizz about your 'number one' friend on your list....

1) What's their name?
Boazy

2] Where did you meet this person?
After one of the first Weeping Jesus gigs.


3) What was your age when you first met him/her?
no idea, 22/23?

4) Is this person one of your frIENDS?
My brother hahaha



5) How long have you known him/her?
3/4 years


6) Is this person older than you?
yeah, one year.


7)How long ago was it since you talked to this persON?
About half an hour ago on the phone.


Do you miss him/her?
o aye


10) Do you have a nickname for this person?
Boazy wears boots



11) How often do you talk to them?
a lot



12) Do you think this person will repost this?
I dunno. I'm not side kick.



15) Do they know everything about your life?
pretty much...



16) Doing anything with them tonight?
nope.


17) whats their favorite food?
Japanese, I think.


1 Would you go to their wedding?
Absolutely!

19) Would u date them?
hahahahah go on then. How much do I win?



20) What color hair does he/she have?
GREEN!


21) Are you really close to him/her?
aye, we're not gay.



23) Have you ever bailed this person out of jail?
Actually no. Sorry dude.




24) If this person needed a kidney transplant and you were a match would u?
Eh, it wouldn't be any use hahah



25) Do you think you will know this person in 20 years?
I hope so.

26) Do you and this person have a special song??
a great many.

I dont normally write BLOGS. They're fucking stupid. I JUST NOW noticed that there are search links in the info that you put in bebo. why the feck arse would anyone want to search "they're like armidilos but better" or "I know your in my garden".....or something someone is scared of e.g. spiders? wise up bebo ye door knob.

AND
AND
AND
AND
AND
WHILE WE'RE HERE..







Never mind.