PLAYERS

Gary Neville - to the tune of 'London Bridge'

Gary Neville is a Red
Is a Red
Is a Red
Gary Neville is a red
He hates scousers!

Park Ji Sung - to the tune of 'lord of the dance'

Park Park, where ever you may be,
You eat dogs in your own country,
But you could be worse; you could be
Scouse,
Eating rats in their Council house

Ryan Giggs - to the tune of Robin Hood

Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs, running down the wing,
Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs, running down the wing,
Feared by the Blues,
Loved by the Reds,
Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs.

Roy Keane - to the tune of 'my old man'

Oh, Keano's f*cking magic,
He wears a magic hat,
And when he saw Old Trafford,
He said "I fancy that"
He didn't sign for Arsenal,
Or Blackburn 'cos they're shite,
He signed for Man United,
Because they're fucking dynamite.

Solskjaer - to the tune of 'you are my sunshine'

You are my Solskjaer my Ole Solskjaer,
You make me happy when skies are grey,
And Alan Shearer was f*cking dearer,
So Please don't take my Solskjaer away

John o'Shea

When Johnny goes marching down the wing
O'Shea, O'Shea
When Johnny goes marching down the
wing O'Shea, O'Shea
When Johnny goes marching down the
wing the Stretford End will f**kin sing
WE ALL KNOW THAT JOHNNYS GONNA SCORE
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
na na na
WE ALL KNOW THAT JOHNNYS GONNA SCORE

Rio Ferdinand - to the tune of 'hi- ho from snow white'

Rio, Rio,
He is a Red you know,
He met El Tel,
And said "farewell"
Rio, Rio, Rio, Rio.....

Wayne Rooney

1 - to the tune of 'if ya wanna go to heaven when you die

Wayne would rather be a devil than a
scouse!
No more robbin grannys or your house
Wayne would rather be a devil
And play with Gary Neville
Wayne would rather be a devil than a
scouse

2 - to the tune of 'Ruby - Kaiser Chiefs

Rooooney, Rooooney, Rooooney, Rooooooooneeeeey,

3

I saw my mate
The other day
He said to me he's seen the white Pele
So i asked, 'who is he?'
He said 'He goes by the name of Wayne Rooney'
Wayne Rooney Wayne Rooney
He goes by the name of Wayne Rooney!


LIVERPOOL

1

You are a Scouser,
An ugly Scouser,
You're only happy,
On Giro day.
Your mum's out thieving,
Your dad's drug-dealing,
So please don't take my hubcaps away.

2

You look in the dustbin for something to eat,
You find a dead rat and you think it's a treat,
In your Liverpool slums
In your Liverpool slums,
You shit on the carpet, you piss in the bath,
You finger your grandma, and think its a laugh,
In your Liverpool slums.
In your Liverpool slums,
You speak in an accent exceedingly rare,
You wear a pink tracksuit and have curly hair,
In your Liverpool slums.
In your Liverpool slums,
Your mum's on the game and your dad's in the nick,
You can't get a job 'cos you're too fucking thick,
In your Liverpool slums.

3

He's only a poor little scouser,
His face is all battered and torn,
He made me feel sick,
So I hit him with a brick,
And now he don't sing anymore.

4

You beat cyrstal palace,
you beat birmingham too,
You beat Wycombe Wanderes so who the
f*ck are u.

We beat Bayern Munich,
We beat Juve too,
We beat Inter Meelan so who the f*ck
are u.

If ur gonna do the treble do it right,
If ur gonna do the treble do it right,
If ur gonna do the treble, gonna do
the treble, gonna do the treble do it
right.

You can stick the plastic treble up ur
arse.
WOW...you won the f*cking MICKEY MOUSE
TREBLE.

5 - to the tune of ke sera sera

steve gerrard, gerrard. he kisses the
badge on his chest. then hands in a
transfer request. steve gerrard, gerrard

6

build a bomfire
build a bomfire
put the scousers on the top
put man city in the middle
then burn the fu**ing lot



UNITED

Who sing of victory,
Of games that brought us glory,
From Newcastle

HOSSEGOR is....
Jambon
70 cent wine
Hossegor Sandwich
Maluminium
Incredible amounts of beach shots
Reactions
Freeing the Chapelizod Two
“I love the word ring, its mad circular”
Fat Jonny
Biere Blonde
World Cup Final night
Bakoua Sweatbox
Wales – “do you guys have beaches in Ireland?”
Cowboy girl and her quiet friend
The face clap
Bridge diving
Aye but no but shambert!
Mcyyyyyartserrr!
Falsbourg
Frogboy
“Fuck me? FUCK YOU!!!!”
On a rayyger
“Don’t even ask about me balls man”
Heli pad
Missions to the supermarket
Serious wave to the face
Spagbol
Fried ham
Bottle top flicking
Cold showers
Pepper spray
Beer wine vodka combo
Dicks
Nev attempting to skimboard
Nigel being an abusive drunk
Drinking on the beach listening to the guitar in the dark
The Hole
Sand
Sick, shacked and other gay surfing lingo
Serious Noise complaints
Intimy
Serious nrop
Boursin
Diarrhea
Nev’s “base coat”
McYyyyeeeartser’s belly button and bunions
Funkytown
Fake police
Benedict the security woman and Joe the police dog
Si’s towel
Jonny’s nipple
Muzzy’s hissy fit
Rash vests
Nigs
Fried Eggs
I bet that you look good on the dancefloor!
Nappy rash
Sand (again)
Nigel’s sandwich rap
Producin it
Poison
Sopranos
Allez les bleus
The local wino
Death like earaches
Jonny’s secret
Thunderstorms
L’American Steak with Biggy Burger
L’American Poulet with Barbecue
The Black Tranny
Mid Morning beatings
What’s Up
“Are you a virgin?”
Clap – (Facial, Chest, Ear, Nappy, Sun etc)
Pink bucket
Ice cold Coke vending machine
Hossegor Sandwich girls
Mallet being a Ron Jeremy motherfucker
Beggar My Neighbour, Shithead, Alcoholic Old Maid and Fire & Ice
8 litre Volvic containers
Rash vests esp. Mallet’s
Flying beetles (insects not VW’s)
Croissants
4 Cockhead English birds
Petey the Bird
Early spliff drought
Lem’s “Do you know where I can buy cannabis?” sign
Inside out boxers
Plan C (R&R)
In memory of Eddie Aikau
“We think its mallet at night but really it’s jonny in the morning”
Andys bed pong
Failed arson attempts
Hossegor Sandwich bites back
12 Euro menu in La Napoli
Serious big dog presence
Hatchet
Drunken Welsh girl
Magical 2 Euro coin
The list
Sporting Casino
Reminiscent picture slideshow’s with Brian Kennedy soundtrack
Mcccccyartzer’s broken heart
Vodka and Aftershock
Mallet’s iPod
Andy’s speakers
Muzzy’s laziness
Nev’s trip
Nic no knickers
“where’s jo and yer one? Their car is there. Do you reckon he or she drives…… yeah, he cruises for bitches- literally”
Mal’s kissing cue
The gun
Singin Slide Away in harmony with ru outside Bakoua
Muzzys fear of flying
Airport Ballbreakers

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator.

Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call your
teacher Mum or Dad.

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

You never ever run out of salt.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your
hand or head stuck in something.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
arm
broken by a swan.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
upturned plug.

People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

Bricks are horrible to carry.

In every plate of chips there is a bad chip