I always have a wank in the shower.
In fact, that's what got me kicked off the football team.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys' bedrooms with empty sacks.

Apparently 60% of kids are overweight, and 72% of kids are having under-age sex...
...So who is shagging all the fat kids?

Stephen Hawking can finally achieve an erection now that doctors have disabled his pop-up blocker.

I wonder if the swine flu is as contagious as the Mexican wave.

Police digging at the Jersey Childrens' home have found michael Jackson's other glove.

Coincidence?
http://i40.tinypic.com/2r7r8co.jpg

A pig flu?
I thought that was impossible.

Why did the Nazis invent swastikas?
To crucify spastics.

The only thing more disgusting than '2 Girls 1 Cup', is the fact that it gave me an erection.

The newspapers tell us "Liverpool hit 5 at Newcastle".
Steven Gerrard was quoted as saying "It could have been more".
So he hit a sixth at Southport.

Hasn't Gazza got enough on his plate with his mental health worries without Israel fighting over him?

If lesbians are supposed to only fancy women, why do they go out with women who look like men?

9 out of 10 men prefer large boobs.
The other man prefers the 9 men.

The A-Team has to be the most stupidest fucking American TV Show Ever made.
"These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The A-Team."
First thing First, if you can find them, they can help you, yet the fucking FBI couldn't find them.
Secondly, Going around in a black Van with a red stripe on the side of it with a license plate with "A-TEAM" On it. A black man with a fucking huge mohican with gold everywhere on him would be quite fucking easy to notice.
This is why the Americans cant fucking find Bin laden, he is going around Afghanistan in a fucking black van with a red stripe on the side humming the fucking A-Team Theme.

So black ice is more dangerous and more likely to cause us harm than normal ice...
Surprise Surprise.

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Dear Jonathan Ross,
I've just shagged your daughter. Who's laughing now?
Lots of love,
Gary Glitter x

So, Gary Glitter had a 'heart attack' when boarding the plane in Vietnam, did he?
Must have been all that excitement when they announced that the in-flight movie was 'High School Musical.'

On a scale of 1-10, how old is Gary Glitter's girlfriend?

Thank God for the "save maddie fund." The parents can afford a babysitter now.

Rafa Benitez is concerned that when Steven Gerrard is send to prison, that Liverpool will be left with a large hole up front.
Steven Gerrard on the other hand is more concerned about the size of the hole left at the rear.