Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris divides by zero.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris' imaginary friend can kick your ass.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris' wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."

The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.

A unicorn once kicked Chuck Norris. That is why they no longer exist.

1. wuld you hug me?
2. wuld you kiss me?
4. wuld you go out clubbin wiv me?
5. wuld you be my friend?
6. wuld you kick my arse?
7. wuld you go out wiv me if I asked you?
8. wuld you take a shower wiv me?
9. how long hav we known each other?
10. where did we meet?
11. are we friends?
12. are we enemeez?
13. am i hot?
14. am i a flirt?
15. am i sweet?
16. am i crazy?
17. am i loveable?
18. am i funny?
19. am i annoying?
21. am i daring?
22. am i a good person?
24. am i a fun person to be around?
25. am i a good friend?
26. am i always looking for a good time?
27. wuld u snog me?
28. am i horrible?
29. Are you going to put this on ur blog to see what i say about you?
30. anything else to say b4 You Go??