Eric Cartman Quotes
Everyone's favorite lovable and opinionated bastard. Whether he's obsessively deadlocked singing Styx lyrics or plotting to wreak havoc over his current victim, it is nearly impossible to resist his charm.


Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you just say?!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry (Clears throat and pulls out megaphone), actually what I said was, "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Mr. Garrison: Does anyone know what sexual harassment means?
Cartman: When you are tying to have intercourse with a special lady friend and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: Respect My Authority!
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Kyle: Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
Stan: That's cool.
Cartman: Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 - Vote Now!
Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: Okay, Token, give me a sweet bass line.
Token: I don't know how to play the bass.
Cartman: Token, how many times do we have to go over this? You're black. You can play the bass.
Token: I'm really tired of your racist views on this.
Cartman: Well then, get tired of them after you give me a bass line!
Token: (Plays the bass expertly) Oh, Goddammit.
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: You so much at TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: How 'bout we sing, 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch' in D Minor.
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: Shut up - you fucking jew!!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the 'f word?'
Cartman: Jew??
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, 'Hey. Why don't you stop ... dressing me like a mailman ... uh, and making me dance for you ... while you go and ... smoke crack in your bedroom ... and have sex with ... some guy ... I don't even know. On my dad's bed.
Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?
Cartman: I'm just saying you're just a little wuss, that's all.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Chief Running Water: Your mother is what we Indians call, 'Bear With Wide Canyon.'
Cartman: What do you mean?
CRW: She is 'Doe Who Cannot Keep Legs Together.'
Cartman: Huh?
CRW: Your mom's a slut.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!
Cartman:

South Park is on nearly every next after 10 on MTV make sure to watch it!!!