Mícheál's top quotes!!

"... and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, i'll tell ye a little story. I was in Times' Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have the Kerryman would ye?' To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'... he had both...so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..."

"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion."

"Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.

"1-5 to 0-8.. well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language".

"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now ... but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ...... I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"

"I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae."

"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"

"Danny "The Yank" Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well"

"He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50......he's on the 40......he's on the 30..........................he's on the ground"

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball".

"He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point.............it went wide."

"Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly....Stephen, one of 12......all but one are here to-day, the one that's missing is Mary, she's at home minding the house.....and the ball is dropping i lar na bpairce...."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide..... and the dog lost as well"

"Sean Og o Hailp?n.... his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold"

"Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation"



Championship......

Choose Championship
Choose Championship Life

Choose summer days
Choose suntans and sunburns
Choose waiting outside various nothside pubs waiting for the barman to open up
Choose drinking from 12 to half 2, making your way to croker, having a hot dog and being in your seat for 3.10 for the 3.30 throw in
Choose being back in the Find Later or the Big Tree for 6 to continue your drinking
Choose waiting for the Sunday Game
Choose waking up on match day at 10 in the sun and then having it lash rain by 3
Choose Jersies, flags, caps and scarves
Choose “hats and headbands 3 euro”
Choose lockhards with dodgy suits that don’t match
Choose Championship
Choose Dublin and Meath in 91
Choose Clare and Offaly in 95
Choose Seamus Darby, Brian Mullins, Mikey Sheehy and Kieran McGeeney
Choose the Dooley Brothers, Brian Corcoran, Eamon Taffe and DJ Carey
Choose Armagh 2002
Choose Tyrone 2003
Choose Charlie Redmond being sent off, kind of!
Choose Kieran McDonald from the halfway line
Choose Championship
Choose Ciaran Carey in 30 degree heat in the Gaelic grounds against Clare
Choose Martin Storey dancing at the cross roads
Choose Padraig Joyce And Brendan L

• Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
* Rule #2: Never use your real name.
* Rule #3: When crashing an Indian wedding, identify yourself as a well-known immigrant officer or a county lawyer.
* Rule #4: No one goes home alone.
* Rule #5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow crasher.
* Rule #6: Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
* Rule #7: Blend in by standing out.
* Rule #8: Be the life of the party.
* Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
* Rule #10: Invitations are for pussies.
* Rule #11: Sensitive is good.
* Rule #12: When it stops being fun, break something.
* Rule #13: Bridesmaids are desperate: console them.
* Rule #14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
* Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the truth.
* Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family tree.
* Rule #17: Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
* Rule #18: You love animals and children.
* Rule #19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
* Rule #20: The older the better, the younger the better (see Rule below)
* Rule #21: Definitely make sure she's 18.
* Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
* Rule #23: There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
* Rule #24: If you get outed, leave calmly. Do not run.
* Rule #25: You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.
* Rule #26: Of course you love her.
* Rule #27: Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
* Rule #28: Make sure there's an open bar.
* Rule #29: Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
* Rule #30: Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
* Rule #31: If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
* Rule #32: Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
* Rule #33: Never go back to your place.
* Rule #34: Be gone by sunrise.
* Rule #35: Breakfast is for closers.
* Rule #36: Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
* Rule #37: At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
* Rule #38: Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up.
* Rule #39: The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
* Rule #40: Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
* Rule #41: Never hit on the bride -- it's a one way ticket to the pavement
* Rule #42: Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
* Rule #43: At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
* Rule #44: Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after. But don't talk about it.
* Rule #45: Always remember your fake name! Rehearse it in advance and make sure you know your fellow Crasher's code-name as well!
* Rule #46: The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
* Rule #47: You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
* Rule #48: Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancée.
* Rule #49: Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
* Rule #50: Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.


• Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
* Rule #2: Never use your real name.
* Rule #3: When crashing an Indian wedding, identify yourself as a well-known immigrant officer or a county lawyer.
* Rule #4: No one goes home alone.
* Rule #5: Never let a girl co