BETH IS A GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
Who doesn’t like the keyboards
They need a good whack in order to type like proper
I think we should write a story
Theyre too chewy!! They’re too tough!!
Just like the strawberries of marriage….
Clares keybord is softer than mine
In YOUR endo m’laddie

The diary of a French lesson
“Hey Clare”
3.04pm: clare gets an answer right
“Yeah Beff?”
“wanna tradekeyboards??”
No.
Don’t hit me.
I bbbffruise like a peach.
“whats bobfroose?
Its when you say BBFFRUISE as in I bffruise like a peach
*head desk*
3.05pm; clare thinks she should work
*wets self and dies*
*clare misses briony*
awwwwwwwwwww
I love thatkid
Why are you missing out spaces? Is it like some kinda cool kid lingo I should be up wid?
*grunts at keyboard*
yes. I am cool. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the stuck spacebar.

3;07
clare:
question 1: whats lemaire?
Whats taux?
*uses babelfish for all French words*
*feels cool*
*fails a levels*

Brian: Do you think I should lose the waistcoat?
Tim: I think you should burn it, because if you lose it, you might find it again.

By FreckleFace Strawberry, Minnie Mouse, Lady Luck and Cressamoomoo. Inspired by Quintin Harper.

The story started the day our physics teacher killed the prime minister. I had always known he was a secret agent, but I didn't tell anyone because I'm nice like that. It started to worry me when he tried to kill Bethany, too. Wait, that was me ... So back to the story. Yeah. Mr Harper, my crazy science teacher, had invited me to join his secret-spy-thing-that-killed-people-which-was-also-quite-cool group of spies. And that's where we're going to start the story, okay? Go! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It turns out "Mr Harper" had in fact been living for the last 17 years under a false name, because, let's face it, THAT'S no way a real name ... QUINTIN actually stands for Quite Unusual Interestingly Nauseous Titanium Insulated Nutcase. That was his cool nickname back at base.

"Bethany?"
"Yes, Briony?"
"Have you ever done anything that's considered outside the law?"
"Er, no, Briony, I don't think I have."
"How about dealing illegal titanium?"
"I'll admit that to you the day you eat a tiger, Briony! What are you, crazy?"

And that's how I was persuaded to eat a tiger.
So, the next morning, Briony packed her bags and set off on her quest to find a tiger. She got as far as the closed down garage down the road in Salhouse before stopping to ask an old lady the way to India. Luckily, the old lady was also going to India to eat a tiger. Boy, it's a small world.
SUDDENLY, the old lady took off her face.
Turns out it was a mask and she was REALLY an elephant. She was almost out of hibernation and so she proceeded to turn into a beautiful butterfly.

"Nelly the elephant packed her trunks
And said goodbye to the circus ..." the old lady sang as she flew off into the horizen. Briony was feeling peckish by this time and so obviously she decided to go to Peru. Paddington Bear gave her some marmite and she keeled over and died.

...
JUST KIDDING!

The next morning, Briony felt like she REALLY ought to eat a tiger. But when she tried to board the plane, she was NOT LET ON because people carrying marmite are not allowed into India.
Briony then did the obvious thing- SWAM to India. That was a good day.
Unfortunately, Briony passed out ten metres in and sank to the bottom but luckily was rescued by a giant mole.

Briony: What do you call a cat with eight legs?
Cressida: A CACTUSPUSS

Fortunately, India transpired to soar over to Briony and wave at her gaily. Briony jumped on to dry land and then fell through a very large hole that just happened to be there and fell through to Australia. The world was all getting a-muddled by this point.
Meanwhile, "Mr Harper" had his gamma radiation gun at the ready to shoot Gordon Brown. Unfortunately for him, as he wasn't clever like me, he didn't realise gamma could penetrate through the gun. Two hours later, Quintin's story was in the newspapers and he was in a coma. Poor Quintin.
"Poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor poor."
Said the obsessive compulsive poor-saying monkey.
But Quintin had magical powers and jumped out of bed (obviously out of the coma) and ran down the street shouting Eureka. He thought he had discovered displacement but the realised that had already been done. Damn.

There was a little girl called Cressida who at the very same moment in time was sitting at her desk in Transylvania. She sneezed twice at the EXACT moment Quintin shouted Eureka.

Wow

The act of these two unbelievable events occurring simultaneously created so much force that the world imploded.

Briony woke up.

Turned out she had dreamt it all.

Cressida had actually only coughed.

Coughing's NOTHING compared to sneezing. DUH.

Anyway. Briony, lost in Australia, had finally found a tiger. "Wow," she said. She walked towards the tiger, but the tiger ate her instead.

And so we meet the