The only reason i'm writing this is just to get stuff off of my chest... i've been building this up so long that it's taking a big toll on me... this is just stuff that i feel i need to say, about who I am... and why I act the way I do... for those of you who don't really know me... I am a pessimists who can't understand that he's an optomist, i constantly battle myself in my mind day after day, i wonder if everything i do that day was the right thing, i have anxiety, seperation fears, fears that the people who are closest to me will just leave me... i have so much stuff that i fear i worry about what i'm worrying about... basically i am a psychiatrist worst nightmare... As religious as i want to say that i am, i'm really not to great of a guy... i go to mass and do my sunday obligations and i pray alot, but i also go to confession probably once every five days... and don't even get me started with my relationship troubles.... i have a girl that i care so much about, that she will never know how much she means to me, yet everyday i constantly atagonize myself as to wether there is truly love inside the relationship or just boyish dreams... as much as i want to say I could care less about the physical parts of a relationship, the thing that's on my mind when i'm with her is if i'll get to hold her hand or not... i know it's a horrible thing to be on my mind... but that's not the only that's on my mind, i would be a horrible man if that's the only thing... i mean the main stuff i think about is what to do to make her comfortable and how to show her how much she means to me... unfortunately things just don't seem like they used to... i don't know... as a guy girls think that we don't have emmotions to much.. that the only things on are mind are sex, food, and sports... but i'm not really your average guy... and maybe that's my problem... i realize everyday how special my relationship with her is, yet almost everytime i'm not talking to her it seems like my own self is out to sabatoge my relationship... i fear so much about losing her that it will ultimately be my downfall... i care about her so much that i actually think i drive myself away... I try and open up but end up sealing myself up even more... all i want out of life is to care for someone... to love someone... my problems come in many shapes and forms, and my past problems are what form me... i've been cheated on before... i had to hear from someone else's lips that she cheated on me and that she had abortion... i was in the eigth grade... but if that didn't happen, i may not be the guy i am today... I am nowhere near perfect and will never be that... but i will always strive to be as perfect as St. Joeseph... Mary's quit spouse who cared, for God's only son... I will always try to show and recognize the true beauty inside any woman, and gift from God... but i will most likely fail at a lot of my attempts... but i promise that i will always try... I know who I am as a person and not alot of people actually do know who I am... but give it time and you will... You won't read about in the newspaper, you won't see me in a movie, or on the news, you may never even meet me in person... but know that after you are done reading this you know more about Andrew Oliphant then alot of other people do...
1) I care about people to much, even those i don't know... if they are not in a good mood i'm not in a good mood.
2) I am the most undecisive guy in the world probably.. i can be happy and mad at the same time...
3) I take everything special to me and think i will lose before i even have it
4) No matter how close people are to me... i always try to make them far away...
5) I am a helpless romantic... if i'm not with the person i care about i'm a bad boyfriend
6) I have to be with the people i care about... if I'm in a relationship and i'm not always with that person, for some reason my mind freaks out and thinks they are cheating on me... i know it's a horrible flaw that gets

so i guess it's been a while since i've written on this thingy majig so i guess i should do that... mabye i should tell you whats going on in my life, how i feel, what i think it cool, how's school going, and that other fun stufff? but i don't think i really want to type taht all out.... i'll just sum it all up in one sentence... my life is great! i can't complain at all, well i mean i can i just don't have the right too, cause i'm just so happy right now... idk, i guess i can prolong this even longer but i don't think i will unless you tell me too, but other than that i think i'm going to go see ya...

I guess it's time that i really write how i feel in one of these entries and i guess this is the one....

so idk what it's been lately, but i feel stupid all the time... there's alot of stuff people don't know about me, alot that not even the closest people to me know me other than a few... sometimes it just feels like life would be so much easier if i told them what i've gone through, what i've felt... maybe then if i told them they would understand the ways i act aren't because i'm wierd it's just how i try to protect myself from it happening again... the fact that i don't open up is probably the fact why i lose so many people that use to be close to me... maybe that's the reason why it feels like i'm driving those who i love now away from me... whenever i get to this thought, this mode of thinking it reminds me of forrest gump... that one part where he says "life is like a box of choclates; you never know what your gonna get." i find that statement so true to some, yet so unbelievably different to others.... idk.... i just wish for once, life itself, could be normal....