It's high time i started a joke blog, here goes. Feel free to add, just keep it relatively kosher. Once you comment ill add it to the list with a credit beside the joke to say it was you. (by the way, if the joke isnt up to standard, namely a dead baby joke, i wont be putting it up. You paeda-necrophiliacs can go elsewhere )


Why is camping so stressful?

It's not stressful, its just intense.


Why couldn't the bike stand up?

It was two tired.


What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip. (best joke ever)

(It should be duly noted that on initially hearing this joke Paddy thought it was leopard instead of leper, none the less the joke became his favorite joke ever, upon finding out the true meaning of the joke paddy said he liked his interpretation better, claiming that a leopard havin sex with a prostitute was by far the funnier image)


Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila.


Did you hear about the clam that went to the disco?

He pulled a muscle.


What must you know to be an auctioneer?

Lots.


Whats the difference between oral and anal sex?

Oral makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week.


A bus load of nuns crash on the Naas Road and they all go to heaven, they are awaiting entry through the Pearly Gates. St.Peter is handling the situation personally due to the nature of the deceased. First in line is Sister Mary, "have you ever sinned, Sister Mary?" St.Peter said, Sister Mary admits that she once touched a penis, but that it was merely a flick, Saint Peter tells her, dip your finger in this font of Holy Water and you sins will be cleansed, she does so and enters into heaven. Sister Assumpta is next in line, and St. Peter asks her the same question, she admits that she may have held a penis before, Peter sighs and tells her to dip her whole hand into the font, she does so and enters. A large fat nun suddenly calls up from the back "Can I skip the queue? I want to gargle that water before Sister Attracta sticks her arse in it!"


A man walks into a bar, orders two pints and sits down and waits for his freinds.


A policeman, a Rabbi and a Catholic Preist walk into a bar, the barman looks up from the taps and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"


How do snails keep their shells shiny?

Snail varnish. (Courtesy of Ms. J Campbell)



Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.

"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.

The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!" (thanks to Howley!)


"hilarious joke-teller:'did you hear that american actress reese_________ was killed?'
predicted response: 'witherspoon?'
hilarious jokester:'no, WITH A KNIFE'
hehehe" (not your best Kate )

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other.......how do u drive this thing?!! (A. Taylor)


How do you know when the tide's gone out?

It gives you a wave.


Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CD's?...

In Iraq! (Howley )


Why do women get orgasms?

To give them something else to moan about! (Sean)


What do women and a hurricane have in common?

They both make lots of noise when they're coming and take everything with them when they leave. (Shane)


Did you hear about the large shipment of viagrathat got stolen?

Gardaí are looking for hardened criminals. (luke)


Did you know that diarehha is herditary?

Yeah, it runs in your genes (suzie)


Last night Hugh commented on my joke blog "I came up with a joke the other week when I was really drunk, but by the time I woke up it was gone. I hate it when that happens. I think it involved two ladyboys and a spoon..." The person who can think of the best joke involving these things/elements will win a special prize!


Why does tigger have no friends??
....coz he plays with poo (sadhbh takes credit for this

From ●¢ℓαιяє ● <this-rox-my-sox>
To Lizzie271190, xxscotslass90xx, jodie68, XcXsuzieXcX, timmyw16, SexiiSnazziiLauzziiX, angelface234096
Subject for ur mum
Sent 4 days ago
IF u love your mum send this to everyone on ur list or she'll die in 1hour I love my mum to much to ignore this ♥

01-02-2006
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We at Asarmin Co. would like every member of bebo to 'forward' this message to every contact in their mailing list as proof of the Bebo account is being used. This must be done only once in order to keep your Bebo account.
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Asarmin Co.

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