Ammie Sekhon
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GLASGOW COMMONWEALTH GAMES 2014
GLASGOW COMMONWEALTH GAMES 2014
As you know, Glasgow has won it's bid to host the Commonwealth Games in 2014.
What you may not know is that many of the famous events which go to make
up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2014.
A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below.
OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of Ferguslie
Park, in the traditional dress of balaclava and a Burberry shell suit. The
flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the
roof of the stadium.
THE EVENTS
In previous Commonwealth Games, Scotland's competitors have not been
particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the
events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.
100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each
arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released
from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.
110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden
fences, Walls etc)
HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use
(claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most
physical damage within three attempts.
FENCING
This event shall be sponsored by Cash Converters who shall also provide
the hardware. The contest itself shall be based outside Kebab shops in
Baillieston, Riddrie, Drumpchapel, and Easterhouse....the winner shall be
the one who can leave A & E first.
SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first
target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will
aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages delivery
man.
The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of
either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.
BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will
take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager
while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home.
The bout will then commence.
CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the Glasgow University bike shed
and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first
trip away from home. All against the clock.
CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the
Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.
MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding,
under-age drinking and arson.
SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is
found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised,
please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of
dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific
musical support to this event will be provided by "Belle & Sebastian".
THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.
MEN'S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot
guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Glasgow, especially anyone
that appears to be mincing ...
THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Govan
Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing,
and music by the Dennistoun community choir. The flame will be
extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable pitch invasion by
confused old firm fans.
The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break
into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.
0 commenti 691 giorni
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LMAO?? what the fuck ?
what the fuck does LMAO mean ? somebody clear it up please,7 commenti 975 giorni
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Mr T read now, nuff said.
Mr T.
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.
Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth **** itself and created Scotland.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.
Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift of the beard.
Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
All of the gold in Fort Knox is fake. The U.S.'s actual treasury is chains worn by Mr. T around his neck.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
Why does Mr. T pity himself? He'll never get to have sex with Mr. T.
Chuck Norris once challenged Vin Diesel to an arm wrestling match. Mr. T won.
Mr. T's mother did not break water, she broke molten gold which, upon being born, Mr. T formed into his first gold chain.
Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool". No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.
Mr. T never actually learned to drive, roads simply move to be where he is. A road once failed to move prompting Mr. T to pity it until it became the Grand Canyon.
The wrath of God is outmatched only by the pity of Mr. T.
There was a time when Mr. T didn't pity fools. That time was called never.
Mr. T is on the Dow Jones stock index. Better known as "Gold". Today he was up 3 points.
Mr. T pities the fools wh0 commenti 978 giorni
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chiudi Commenti
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3 settimane fa
via Cellulare
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6 settimane fa
via Cellulare
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Dj Lucks33 settimane fakidda ammie!
This Sunday you are invited to a FREE party at The V Club in Glasgow for a night of Bhangra and RnB music joined by some serious dancing.
The party is from 10pm until late and what’s even better is that the next day is Easter Monday so you can stay in bed!
What to do next?
Get back in touch with your name and the number of your friends you’re bringing so we can put it on the guest list. One thing to remember is mixed groups only!!!
The V Club can be found at 375 Sauchiehall Street, Glasgow next to O’Couture Bar.
So remember folks, a FREE party this Easter Sunday the 12th of April from 10pm until late at The V Bar!
For your name on the guest list or for more information write back or call 07850 867 597. See you there!
Dj Lucks
Scotlands Offical DJs for Suga Kane Records -
35 settimane fa
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Omar Naz44 settimane fakidha , kelery saab!!!
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44 settimane fa
via Cellulare
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Gtown Desi47 settimane faHey Ammie
Are you ready for the New Year?
To start 2009 off on the right foot Gtown Desi & Naya Vars once again bring you New Years day..
This time a Dinner & Dance at The Thistle Hotel
Playing and Hosting on the night will be your very own
Gtown Desi along side
H Dhami &
Tigerstyle
Tickets are priced at £30 with dress code suggestions noted as smart and glamorous.
For further information, get in touch or email: info@gtowndesi.com
Jay Jagpal
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Naya Vars47 settimane faHey Ammie,
NAYA VARS: THE BALL 2009...1st Jan...Thistle Hotel, Glasgow...
H DHAMI
TIGERSTYLE
GTOWN DESI
Get in touch for tickets...group bookings available...
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Kam48 settimane faHi how u doing, merry xmas,hope u and the family had a good time, tell ur mum i was asking for her, havent seen her in so long.
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Gtown Desi49 settimane fa
Hey Ammie,
How are you? All set for the festive period??
Just to remind you, with the Seasonal Parties already started, there’s one Party you do NOT want to miss....
Scotland’s BIGGEST Urban Desi Festive Party
Boxing Day at BYBLOS, Glasgow
With 3 Rooms of the finest Urban Desi Music and over 13 acts playing on the night,
It’s the perfect way for you to always remember your Christmas 2008
Bhangra - RnB – Hip Hop - UrbAsian – Dancehall – Bassline – Bollywood
EVEN Santa’s not going to miss this one!!
Jay Jagpal
Doors: 10pm to 4am
Dress Code: Smart, Sexy & Slick! (Usual rules apply!!)
For any information or queries get on to Gtowndesi.com
Or email info@gtowndesi.com
In association with :: Umoja Events Scotland, Gtown Ent, Gtown Desi & Groove Theory...
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Naya Vars51 settimane fa
Ammie,
Hows it going! Hope your well... just to let you know about
NAYA VARS: THE BALL 2009...1st of Jan 09...
THE THISTLE HOTEL, GLASGOW
H DHAMI
TIGERSTYLE
GTOWN DESI
Full Indian Tapas, Canapes, Champagne, Live Dhol & More...
Strictly Ballroom...
Get in touch for tickets...group bookings available...
Jag -
Shanghai-PR54 settimane faShanghai is hosting the
FORTH ONE AWARDS exclusive AFTER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!
This Wednesday 12th November.
Likely VIPs include: Girls Aloud, Stereophonics,Shane Ward
and MANY MANY MORE!!!
Get back to me ASAP with your name and mates head count
to be on the GUEST LIST!!!!!!!
Sidra Ashiq x x -
Gtown Desi59 settimane fa
Hey Ammie
Hows things man...??
Hope life's treating you well...
You coming to our Exclusive night on the 15th of Nov????
A night Not to be missed.... Give aways, competitions and more...
You'll love it... And its FREE... lol
Jay J
If you need info or details, let me know... -
Gtown Desi61 settimane fa
Hey...
With the September Bank Holiday weekend upon us, party season emerges with an event truly worthy of such an occasion.
Gtown entertainment & Tipsy combine their forces in bringing Radio 1’s resident Dancehall / Reggae DJ, Chris Goldfinger to the Tunnel Nightclub, Glasgow, September 28th.
Additionally, expect 3 rooms catering for all Urban genres from R’n’B, Hip Hop, Dancehall, Bassline & Bhangra. DJ’s include Naeem, Sketch, Illyus, Geddes, Bobby B & Gtown Desi, David Craig, Nick G and Prospect.
Doors welcome party goers / freshers from 10pm with a wide range of drink promos all night.
Do not miss out on Scotland’s largest urban festivity during holiday season!
Bobby B
p.s.New Mixtape launches next week on www.GtownDesi.com (free download!!!!!) -
Princess Lynsay61 settimane faHey Punk!!!
Where did you buddy get your album, the one from your stag doo?
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Gtown Desi67 settimane fa
Yeah am cool man, set sot...
Wats new with u...?
Married life...?
Jay J -
Gtown Desi67 settimane fa
Hey Ammie
Khida man...?
Teek Tak...?
Jay J -
67 settimane fa via Cellulare
Leanna Conerly
hi :S how are you pimp out your profile with this site its sooocoool
copy and paste sick-offer.com bye bye
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74 settimane fa
Kam
Hey ammie how r u, long time no see. Hows the family, tell them i was asken about them.
So hows married life, u and labinder look so good 2gether, anyway u take care and have sum luv.
trust me i was
Weed And Pretzels 1 rispostaballe!!! 1st singh in space!! fly that shit to the moon!!! take our dhols too!! remember saz, shf and sam thot id played dhol on the moon? hahahahhaa!!!!!!
Gurjit 1 risposta