1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her... Emm, I broke this one I'm afraid.

2. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

4. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

10. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

11. Do not torpedo single friends.

12. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

13. Before dating a buddy's ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grants it, he is however allowed to say, "man, your gonna love the way she licks your balls"

14. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

15. If a mans zipper is down, that€s his problem, you didn€™t see anything!

16. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)

17. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

18. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies girlfriends with in 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal's boyfriends- low level sports bonding is all the law requires.

19. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

21. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

22. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.

23. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. This includes men who aren't wearing shirts. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friends actions have caused you to think "what this guy needs is a good ass wuppin", in which case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back and enjoy.

24. Friends don™t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.

25. Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your se

Alri girls, where ya goin tonite??<--Insert east end accent here

Wow... I actually dont know where to even start. I guess it would have to be with the journey. Me and Mark were lucky to have been able to hitch a lift to the airport-eantos off our good pal Giss for the reasonable price of a score... Good man gisser!!! Then, it was straight to the bar with us!

After a few sociable bevies, Mark and I were on our way to Magaluf to add to the group of lads who were already soaking up the rays, giving a total of 5... A number that will hence forth be referred to as one BOYA... The trek over to Palma seemed like eternity but by the time we finally reached our apartmentos Dean, Dore and Tansey had the beer/cider on ice... Let the can tower begin!!!

Tansey: “Now what, you're going to release the hounds, or bees, or hounds with bees in their mouths, and when they bark they shoot bees at you?” haha vintage Tansey

So, after a whopper session in the lads apartment, we thought “best to act sociable” ,so we hit the town to see what magaluf had to offer... ALOT! Feckin savage nightclubs all over the place, not to mention BCM which is absolutely massive, it’s so big that it’s practically a small village. That was the night of the “apparently brilliant” water party but i wouldn’t know anything about it because... you guessed it, i had to be brought home early cos i drank too much... and ohhhh yes, there was projectile vomitting.

Dore: Giz a smooch!

Seeing as I was fairly hung-over the morning after the water party, we all decided it would be best to chill by the pool all day long which was good craic in itself but as the evening crept up it was straight back to the apartmentos for much needed booze and food... best combination on the face of the planet... Niiiiiccccceeeeee!!! As the pictures will shoe, this was the night where one of the BOYAs was on a mad one and danced his heart out on top of the stage of Boomerangz niteclub... despite being told to get off several times... Dean, what a HERO!!!!!

I want some cha-keetos

And then, possibly one of the funniest moments of the holiday, Me and Mark at one stage of the night were separated from the BOYAs but eventually Dean found us and we were dragged into a foam party... as we both arrogantly strutted through the front door.... SLIP!!! Mark went out on his face in a flurry of foam with me swiftly following... at least he broke my fall, The poor lad walloped his head off the floor... twas a massacre! Awwrigghht!!!

Moving on... TIESTO!!!

Awwwwhhh, TIESTO was carnage as tansey might say!! Brilliant night altogether... even if we only got to hear the guy for like an hour but we did get to see him for like 0.05th of a second when he was being rushed out by a load of heavies. BUT, there was more to this night than we had anticipated... it was the night when Mark and Dean found The boxing champion game... they musta spent a small fortune on that poxy machine! Awwhh well.

And then... It was Thursday  Santa Ponsa
But, before Santa Ponsa; Me, Dore and Mark went on one of the water rings that was then pulled along by a speed boat and we all agreed that it changed our lives... Absolutely Brilliant!! I Jizzed in my Pants!

Santa Ponsa was honestly a breath of fresh air... Finally, some feckin irish people!! We started the night out in Daniels Corner which was deadly scaa and it was where we started playing 7s... I don’t really wanna go into the concept of the game but you can count on it that alot of shots were drank! Once we were all palatic drunk we gave Dicey Reillys a shot and it was a savage spot for the Irish folk songs... brought a tear to Tansey’s eye And that tear inspired Dore ta get into an Irish jig contest... even tho he cant Irish dance, he still happened ta come in se

1) What happens over seas stays over seas

2) No fat birds

3) No leaving a fallen soldier behind

4) Get sick anywhere and everywhere BUT the apartment

5) The spare room will be from hence forth known as the 'sex room'

6) The guy who brings back the bird gets the 'sex room' for the nite, no exceptions

7) Drink is aloud with breakfast, vinegar however is rotten and unacceptable

8 ) When the group splits up, u must have another member of the party with you at all times

9) No fights may be started unless intense provocation occurs... (If one unjustly starts a fight, law no.10 becomes invalid)

10) If a fight starts, its all-for-one and one-for-all...

11) No one goes on the Water... San Miguel however is permitted

12) You mess it, you clean it... you break it, you fix it

13) Good times must be had and will be had

14) Whoever pulls a decent spanish bird gets a round of drink off the rest of the lads... <this is set in stone>

15) Ridin' without a johnnie is frowned upon... but permitted

16) In the case of number 15 occuring, your name is PAUL TANSEY and you live in hilcrest and love babies and HIV

17) In the case that Tansey abides by law 15, the ball is in her court

1 Girls travel in numbers... upon meeting one, introduce her friends to the lads, unless they are PIGs

19) The ends justify the means...unless you are Paul Tansey

20) A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...

21) Stupid Pranks are strictly prohibited... this includes shaving, waxing, abuse of genitalia etc.

22) No Bitching... Period!!

23) If we get invited back to some girls' apartment, remember, we are not just there for funnzies... we must scour the room for necessities that we lack... toilet paper, towels, food etc.

24) The apartment is a "NO FART ZONE"... if ya need ta pass gas, use the balcony.

25) It goes without say, but, no piking through the other lads shit... unless you are lookin for johnnies... if so, pike away!!!


REMARK: Failure to adhere to the above laws has unthinkable consequences and opens grounds for abuse from the lads and possibly dismissal from the room.