One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?"

"No sir," said Earl, "we're on the patch."

There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talkin about how there lives sucked. The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, n juicy, they cut me up n stick me on a salad." The pickle looks at him and says, " U think u got it bad? When I get big, fat, n juicy , they stick me n vinegar put spices on me, n stick me in a jar." The penis looks at him and says, " U think u got it rough? When I get big, fat, n juicy, they stick a rubba tarp on my head, stick me n a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!!!"

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or
are you flying somewhere?"

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume
and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and saying,
"You're next."