Things to do in Tesco


01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.

02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals

03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.

04. Move a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.


05. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and shout:
"Why can't you people just leave me alone!?"

06. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.

07. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

08. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say:
"PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

09. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream:
"NO!......It's those voices again!!!"

And last but not least:

10. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell:
"........there's no toilet paper in here!"

The Original.......

>>People thought Pele was great because he played for Brazil in the World Cup when he was seventeen. When Larry was seventeen he was playing with Knockbride minors, Knockbride junior B’s, the odd senior game, St. Brigids u21’s, Bailieborough schools u18’s, the Cavan Vocational schools team, AND the Cavan Minors.

>>Maradona may have used the hand of God to beat England, but only Larry could get away with hoping the ball twice and scoring the equalising point in an Ulster final.

>>Pele and Maradona would run the length of the field, go around every opposition player including the goalkeeper and tap it into the empty net, Larry just runs to the corner and scores from there.

>>Pele needed to advertise viagra to turn people on. Larry Reilly just has to play football.

>>Because there’s only one great team play in blue and white, and it’s not Argentina.

>>In Brazil there’s a special edition toilet paper called ‘Pele’. There was going to be a toilet paper called ‘Larry’, but Larry Reilly doesn’t take crap from anyone.

>>Pele and Maradona had some of the world’s greatest ever players playing alongside them. Who had Larry?

>>I’ve never seen Pele bust through two Aussie Rules players and come out with the ball.

>>If Larry was a bullock, you’d say, ” he’s winthered well!”

>>Pele and Maadona played in some of the biggest and finest stadiums in the world, but you’d never see them scoring 1-8 against Killagarry of a winters evenin’.

>>Larry Reilly defies physics, no man weighing fifteen stone could be that fast.

>>There’d be no point in ringing Maradona if you had a pipe leaking .

>>Larry Reilly says shin gaurds are for babies.

>>Pele and Maradona may have come up against defenders from every corner of the world but did they ever skin Francie Bellew?...Larry sure did.

>>You always hear players being branded ‘the new Maradona’, or ‘the new Pele’. You’ll never hear anyone being called ‘the new Larry’. You know why?...Because there’ll only ever be one Larry Reilly.

1.Secondary school started at 9am, but now anything before 1pm is considered “early”.
2. You have more alcohol than food in your fridge.
3. 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
4. You join every bank going to get the free highlighters .
5. You know how late McDonald’s, Subway, Burger King, etc. are open.
6. You think it’s the weekend on a Monday and you don’t know what month it is.
7. You check Bebo more than four times a day.
8. You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.
9. Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal.
10. Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some pasta in Lidl
11. You see several people daily you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them.
12. Your idea of a square meal is a Pop-Tart.
13. You have dominos pizza on speed dial..
14. You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
15. You never realized so many people are dumber than you
16. Western Europe could be wiped out by a terrible plague and you’d never know, but by god if Alf Stewart got a new hat you'd talk about it for weeks!
17. You take ketchups,straws and napkins from fast food restaurants - hey, they’re free.
18. The elevators take forever but you’ll wait 10 minutes just so you don’t have to climb one flight of stairs.
19. You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you...they are evil devices put on this earth in spite of students!
20. You can recite the prices of Tesco value alcohol of by heart...but still aren't sure what modules you do in college.
21. The food in your fridge may or may not be older than your little brother.
22. You go out of your way to watch Home and Away twice a day.
23. Paying more than four euro for a bottle of wine is completely unacceptable.
24. Traffic cones, construction signs, stolen posters and similar random memorabilia are proof of not only you're alcoholism but also of your inner interior decorator.
25. You actually start using coupons...and by god you do it with pride!
26.U wil type al day on bebo,sending numerous comments,but da first 2000 word essay dat comes along ul complain about al the typing.