“And Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I’ll tell ye a little story. I was in Times Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have ‘The Kerryman would ye?' To which the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'Do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'... He had both... So I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..."

"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner Street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them. The priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! Forty yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciarán Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion."

Colin Corkery on the ‘45’ lets go with the right boot. It’s over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.

"Pat Fox has it on his hurley and is motoring well now ... But here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ... I've seen it all now - a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"

"I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tay company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tay."

"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"

"He grabs the sliothar, he's on the 50...... He's on the 40...... He's on the 30...... He's on the ground"

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball".

"He kicks the ball ard san aer. Could've been a goal. Could've been a point.... It went wide."

"Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly... Stephen, one of twelve ... All but one are here to-day. The one that's missing is Mary. She's at home minding the house… And the ball is dropping i lár na páirce...."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar. I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal. The dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide… And the dog lost as well.”

"Sean Óg Ó hAilpín.... His father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji - neither a hurling stronghold

"Teddy McCarthy to Mick McCarthy, no relation, Mick McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation

alright dudes, write in here any mems ye guys have, need to re-jig my memory!!

Brooke: Quagmire, will you accept this rose?
Quagmire: Really? After I drugged you and had sex with your unconscious body?
Brooke: What?
Quagmire: Yes.


Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I.

Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through

Lois (looking at a used car Peter wants): Peter, this car has dents in it, and it's got a cardboard steering wheel.
Peter: Just a second honey.
Lois: And look, there's no engine! It just has a drawing of an engine!
Car salesman: But it only had one previous owner....James Bond!
Peter: I'll take it!