It's my busiest time of the year, so while you lot are eating, drinking and being extremely merry / pissed, think of us poor souls who will be working practically every day!

This is where I'll be over the festive season, come and say hello....

Thursday 18th December - Pitchers Bar, Big Prize Quiz & Disco
Friday 19th December - Pitchers Nightclub
Saturday 20th December - Kings Arms, then Viva
Sunday 21 December - Kings Arms Quiz
Monday 22 December - Pitchers Bar, Sports Quiz (afternoon) Night OFF
Tuesday 23 December - Pitchers Bar, Big Prize Xmas Quiz (not sure about Disco)
Wednesday 24 December - Kings Arms
Thursday 25 December - Pitchers Bar
Friday 26 December - Viva
Saturday 27 December - Viva
Sunday 28 December - Kings Arms
Monday 29 December - Pitchers Bar, Sports Quiz (afternoon) Night OFF
Tuesday 30 December - Pitchers Bar, Big Prize New Year Quiz & Nightclub as well from 11
Wednesday 31 December - Harbour Lights
Thursday 1 January - Now OFF
Friday 2 January - Pitchers Nightclub
Saturday 3 January - Viva

SUNDAY 4 JANUARY - AT HOME GETTING BLADDERED!

I was reading this book, 'The History of Glue'. I couldn't put it down.

I got a job as the Duke of Edinburgh's hairdresser. The other day I parked outside Buckingham Palace and a policeman came up to me and said "have you got a permit?" And I said, "no, I've just got to take a bit off the back".

I'm colour blind but I don't let it affect my life. Last night I went to see "Joseph and His amazing Brown Coat".

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

Exit signs. They're on the way out, aren't they?

When I was at school people used to throw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion.

So I went to the doctor and he said, "You've got hypochondria." I said, "Not that as well!" (Tim Vine live DVD).

Velcro, what a rip-off...

I was playing the piano in a bar and this elephant walked in and started crying his heart out. I said "Do you recognise the tune?" He said "No, I recognise the ivory"

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought - he's trying to pull a fast one

You invented Tippex... Correct me if I'm wrong

Did you know all male tennis players are witches? For example Goran.. Even-he's-a-witch

I was in Tescos, and saw this man and woman wrapped in a bar code. I said "Are you two an item?"

A lorryload of tortoises crashed into a train full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

Did you know if a stick insect lays it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets?

I went into a shop and said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Ok, where is he?"

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

I used to live in a teapot. I know what you're thinking 'Pour You'

Advent Calenders, Their days are numbered.

I was working in a library and bloke came and asked if i had a bookmark. i said: 'War and Peace, 3/10'

I was working in a library and bloke came and asked if i had a bookmark. i said: 'see that there....made by a bible.'

I was working in a library and bloke came and asked if i had a bookmark. i said: ' if you're referring to the thing bit of card you put in book to remember where you are..................no.'

So this bloke came up to me and said 'I've just dropped my scrabble set on the pavement'. I said 'Really? What's the word on the street?'

If you have an islamic dog. Muzzl'im

I went to a Party dressed as Sodium Chloride. Someone threw Hydrochloric Acid over me. I didn't know how to react.

At least it's comfortable on Eurostar. It's murder on the Orient Express

I went to the doctor and said "that tastes of apples, that taste of pears, and that tastes of strawberries. He said "you've got fruit gums"

I went down my local Gym. I said "Mr Nasium"

I said "can you teach me how to do the splits?". He said "how flexible are you?". I said "I can't make tuesdays"

I went down my local video store. I said "can I take out the elephant man?". He said he's not your type. I said "can I have Batman Forever?". He said you have to bring it back tomorrow. I said what about another 48 hours. He said tomorrow.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

But I'm in great mood

Yep, Derek's made another mix for you to download! This time I've diverted away from dance music to make a mix full of the fastest, noisiest loudest rockiest tunes guaranteed to wake you up in the morning. A combination of recent and classic rock tunes!

Alternatively, it can also be used to annoy your neighbours. Download this and play LOUD!

Track listing.....

1. Zodiac Mindwarp & The Love Reaction - Prime Mover
2. My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
3. The White Stripes - Fell In Love With A Girl
4. Green Day - Basket Case
5. Blink 182 - What's My Age Again
6. The Strokes - Juicebox
7. The Hives - Walk Idiot Walk
8. Feeder - Just A Day
9. Kaiser Chiefs - Na Na Na Na Naa
10. Led Zeppelin - Rock 'n' Roll
11. Stereophonics - The Bartender And The Thief
12. Wolfmother - Woman
13. Sex Pistols - Pretty Vacant
14. Hawkwind - Silver Machine
15. Motorhead - Ace Of Spades
16. Andrew WK - Party Hard
17. Rammstein - Feuer Frei
18. Iggy Pop - Lust For Life
19. Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl
20. Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself
21. Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missile F1-11
22. Plastic Bertrand - Ca Plane Pour Moi
23. The Killers - Mr Brightside
24. The Libertines - Dont Look Back Into The Sun
25. Birdland - Hollow Heart
26. Blur - Song 2

Just under 80 minutes again (so it fits on a CD), it's 128kbps and 73 meg! Rock on and enjoy!

http://www.zshare.net/audio/15673466...