Mr Blanes: (tells a joke) How do you fit 4 elephants into a safeway bag? Take the s out of safe and the f out of way.
Random person in tutor group: There is no f in way...
(Class Laugh)
Danielle: I dont get it. Yeah I know there is no f in way but whats the answer?



Me: Are you packed lunch today?
Chloe: Yeah, well I brought carrot sticks.......I dont like them.



Charlii: We need a sing-a-longy song.
Charlotte ah bah black sheep have you any wool?
Charlii and Me: Shut up.



Charlotte: Teh Peh Keh Neh Leh Peh
Me: Charlotte....?
Charlotte: Yes?
Me: Say some real words.
Charlotte: Banana, cloud, basket.



Charlii: i'll only drink apple juice if its from a carton.
Charlotte: well what about that bottle?
Charlii: ooh! cranberry juice.
Charlotte: but what about the bottle of apple juice?!
Charlii: it's not a carton...
Me: and it's not 42p!


Charlii: now jess, what would you choose... alex, or that furry tree...?
Jess: the tree!
Charlii: i know... think of the possibilities... *Charlii and Jess piss themselves laughing*
Charlii: i don't think those two heard that...
Me: we did.
*They laugh harder*



Charlii: eurgh don't pick that off the floor, tramp!
Me: but i want too...

after seeing Charlii's phone background [it said WOAH!]
*I start singing Woah - Paramore*
Charlii: yes, it always makes me do that as well.


In science:
Freya: *reads quesion for crossword* What is a now extinct species from millions of years ago?
Chloe: Scientists

Freya: And do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? (I do)
Chloe: Do you take this man to be your awfully wedded husband?

*Mr Duffy throws something at Charlie (Joeley was taking the "ender" of the lesson)*
Me: Joeley you need to punish sir, he threw something at Charlie
Mr Duffy: Grass.

Mrs Coursimault (or however you spell it [french teacher]): Have a good holiday everybody!
Me: Yeah and you, dont.


(At braniac live)
Brainiac Joe: (shouts to me from the other side of the theatre) And whats your name?
Me shouts back) Freya
Braniac Joe: Crayon?
Me: Freya!!!
Braniac Joe: Crayon okay.

(In Pizza Hut)
Staff come over with cake for me (my birthday)
Staff: Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday Dear hmmm hmmm, Happy Birthday To You


Hanna: Give me your finger.
Me: No. take Charlotte's, she'll offer a finger to anyone.

Me: Give me an N
Charlotte: N
Me: Give me an OODLES
Charlotte: OODLES
Me: What's that spell?
Charlotte: N-OODLES!

Miss Coursimault: So you can make it more....good
(Me and Aaron burst out laughing)
Miss Coursimault: Freya, what are you laughing at? Share it with us, you like to share!
Me: I'm not laughing at anything and I never said I like to share!
Miss C: Yeah, well you were talking to Daniel at the begining of the lesson.
Me: That wasn't sharing.

(on the computer)
Me (type): Why do you dance with chickens?
Aaron (types): Because they are my friends and I like them.
Me (types): Do you dance with other farm animals?
Aaron (types): No, they are smelly.
(Miss C comes over [what we had typed on the computer was very small)
Miss C: what are you two writing about?
Aaron: A train accident
Miss C: Oh, okay (walks off)

1. When there's only one other person in the lift, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but intentionally push the wrong ones.

3. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

4. Drop something and wait until someone goes to pick it up and then scream, "That's mine!"

5. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

6. Move your desk into the lift and whenever anyone gets on ask if they have an appointment.

7. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

8. Randomly ask, "Did you feel that?" When they look at you curiously, begin to explain your theory that a troll has made its way into the building, become more panicked by the minute.

9. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. As they are getting off, tell them you "know of a medicine that can cure that"

XD

#14 - A sneeze can exceed the speed of 100 mph.

#15 - Some lions mate 50 times a day.

#16 - Red does not make bulls angry, bulls are colour blind.

#17 - All polar bears are left-handed.