Afro clam?
Badly wrapped kebab?
Beaver Cleaver?
Birth cannon?
Clodge?
Clown's pocket?
Crotch mackerel?
Easy bake oven?
Flesh tuxedo?
Foster home of Peter the Orphan?
Gooey man trap?
Kookooyumyumpoon?
Lips that never speak?
Moose knuckle?
Nethermeats?
Ninja slipper?
Old toothless?
Pecker-snot repository?
Quivering mound of love pudding?
Salmon scented semen sucker?
Two fingered fish mitten?
Underwear oyster?
Vertical bacon slice?
Whisker biscuit?

Balancing Passion for Self With Compassion for Others, by Kelly Bryson, M.A., M.F.T. is a lively, light approach to a deadly serious subject -- our lives. It is a mix of humor, radical wisdom, and new culture spirituality. It is about Compassion without Compromise. The book teaches the mechanics and expresses the spirit of Nonviolent Compassionate Communication (NVC) to cure "Nice-itis," a hereditary disease. So many nice people feel powerless and victimized by the people and circumstances of their lives. They would love to rise up and take the power back in their lives, however the only model for being powerful in our culture is a violent "power over others" model. Almost every TV show, movie, fairy tale, video game, or recent book replays the "Myth of Redemptive Violence" where the good guy hurts or kills the bad guy to resolve the conflict. There basically are no positive images of conflict in our culture. No wonder so many of us chose to become one of the "nice dead people" in the world rather than participate in the only game offered -- emotional or physical violence


I'm in a stable relationship, but I feel that I could benefit from improving my communication skills. Whenever I experience "negative" feelings (like anger or annoyance or hurt), I have trouble expressing them to my boyfriend. Often I take the time to think about how I feel, which is not necessarily a bad thing, except it means that I may not verbalize my feelings straight away, and sometimes the original feelings tend to get lost through the process of intellectualizing them. That in turn sometimes leads me either to say to myself "Oh, well, never mind" and not mention anything (bad idea - leads to resentment), or to present to my boyfriend a carefully thought-out process about my feelings... from two weeks ago!

Can anyone help me figure out a good way to express my feelings more or less as I live them whilst at the same time making sure that I express them in a coherent, caring, and respectful manner so that my boyfriend can understand how I'm feeling without it becoming a purely intellectual exercise. As I said before, so-called negative feelings are the hardest to express.

Thanks, I appreciate this website a lot.
April

Kelly's Reply: Dear April,

What a thoughtful and conscious question. In response, I will start with a poem I wrote:

If you have a feeling or need,
Speak up with speed.
'Cause if you don't,
You probably won't.
As soon as you think whether you should or you shouldn't.
You turn your could into a couldn't.
And as your feelings & needs you start to swallow,
Notice your body starts to feel hollow.
And the more you try to analyze
The more of your self you paralyze.
As all the attention drains up to your head,
And the rest of your body is left feeling dead.

Just spit it out quickly. Just say "I feel ________" and then say the emotion, mad, sad, glad, scared. That will get you started, but then as quickly as you can, follow that with "because I'm wanting _______" and state what your unmet need was. Like this: "When you started talking while I was still talking, I feel Hurt, because I want to be heard..." and then make a request of him like "Would you wait till I am finished speaking to give your reaction?"

Many times what I am needing from my partner when I have had a painful reaction to her is empathy which might sound like this: "When you tell me that I don't care about you, I feel irritated and hurt because I want acknowledgement of all the love I do feel for you. Would you just tell me what you are hearing me say?" Other times I want honesty, so my request might be, "How do you feel about what I am saying?" But it is very helpful to make a clear request about what you want back if you are going to share your pain.

Also be sure that you express yourself in Nonviolent Communication™ by saying "I feel _______ because I _______." Don't say "I feel hurt because

e Joy Of Beasts
The Independent on Sunday (The Sunday Review (magazine insert))(UK),3 December 2000 by Michail Bird
Trey the golden retriever edges his snout closer to my steak and chips. The table is the right height for him to rest his head upon, and he sticks his tongue out for any scraps that may fall from my plate.
His owner, Brian, a 42-year-old engineer, ticks him off: "You're not getting any." Trey cocks his head in disappointment. "It will only end up in the car and you'll lose the benefit of it nutritionally," adds Brian, who bought Trey four years ago from an animal shelter. He tells the dog that the leftovers will be put in a bag and fed to him at home. Trey whinnies and shakes his head.

We are having lunch in a pub garden. Above grey clouds threaten rain, but it is better for us to be outside. Brian is explaining to me that he is in love with his dog. Anyone who finds this idea deeply offensive is advised not to read on. "I would lay down my life for him without thinking," says Brian. "He is always there for me. We sleep in the same bed, he occupies the pillow area normally, and he wakes me in the morning with a kiss. The sex," he adds, "is great."

Brian defines himself as both a Bestialist - someone who has sex with animals - and a Zoophile - someone who has loving relationships with them. He has had several "relationships" with dogs over the past three decades: male and female, other people's and his own. He first masturbated a dog - a friend's - when he was 12, and he says that he gained pleasure from giving the animal pleasure. At school, in a northern suburb, he was not attracted to girls, nor has he been since.

Brian has kept his sexual preferences a secret until his mid-thirties, when he told his father and brother about it. They were shocked and now do not mention the subject. "I realized that it was something I had no control over. It wasn't a conscious decision, but it wasn't an obsession. I had other things in my life to be getting on with." These included motorcycling and flying - which gave him regular contact with people.

His work often required him to travel, so he did not think it practical or fair to keep a dog of his own. Instead, he had relationships with dogs owned by friends or relations, carefully choosing times and places, indoors and out, when he could be unobserved. One such dog was a collie called Glenn, who belonged to a cousin living nearby. Brian says that he was in love with Glenn for seven years. He visited him once or twice a week and looked after him at weekends or when his cousin was on holiday When Glenn and his owners moved out of town, Brian became depressed and bought a puppy But the physical side of that relationship was not a success. "He was very submissive, never showed any mounting behavior towards me..." (Brian's preferred modus operandi, in case you were wondering, is to be penetrated by his canine partner, and to perform oral sex on him.) Eventually, Brian began to feel that he was betraying Glenn, and so he had his dog castrated and sold him as a pet.

Brian searches in his wallet and brings out a photograph of a collie lying on a lawn. This is Glenn. The picture is worn and covered in Sellotape. Stuck to the back is a lock of black fur.

Glenn died suddenly one morning of a heart attack before Brian could say good-bye to him. Glenn's owner knew how strongly Brian felt about Glenn - though not about how he expressed his feelings - and had said that if the dog ever had to be put to sleep, Brian could be there to help the animal die. "They said that when the time came..."

Brian fails to end this sentence and covers his face with his hands. I reach out my arm to him, but he turns away, falls to his knees and embraces Trey His mouth buried in the dog's fur, he tries to hold in his tears.