Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there
is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up
every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the
Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast
to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs !

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why God made Moms - BRILLIANT answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions.


Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.



How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.



What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.



Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?

1. We're related

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.



What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.


What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?



Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.



Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.



What's the difference between moms & dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.



What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.



What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.



If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

(1) The last to get wet when it rains!

(2) Leg room?...Not a problem!!!

(3) Shorter fall to the ground.

(4) You don't bump your head so much.

(5) You can get into places at kids prices!

(6) Your feet don"t stick out from under the duvet and get cold!

(7) You can squeeze through crowds.

( Less likely to break bones in a fall! FACT!!

(9) You look younger than you are

(10) SHORTER PEOPLE LIVE LONGER.......