FUNNYYYYYYYY!!!!!

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be .. how??)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
(!!!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on the bottom of the box)--Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure???)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time???)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts!)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to outer space or underground)

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Hmmmm, now I'm curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(no comment)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(what is going on here?)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(as if you try to stop *anything* with your genitals-clearly my favorite of the list)

On a child's superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Way to destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

[Please don't take me too seriously]

'Ghetto' People
I really have no time for people who think that being ghetto is cool. It's really not. You have to realise that if you leave the shiny sticker on your 'gangsta' cap, you look even more stupid than you already did for having the cap in the first place. Don't put fake diamonds in your ears to look like The Game, because you don't. You're not cool because you have a knife. Please don't rob me of my phone, I quite like it.

Chavs
The number of chavs around and on the streets is pretty sickening. I can't understand why they have nothing better to do all day than start fights with small kids, middle-aged women and anyone in a dark alley; and why they refuse to un-tuck their tracksuit bottoms from their socks; and why they refuse to stop spitting everywhere they go; and why they refuse to stop wearing Burberry caps. They don't seem to realise that spending all their money on taking E will only make things worse. When you ask me, ''Got 20p, m8?'' – I have a lot more than that and I'm clearly not going to give any of it to you. Breaking the windows of cars is not cool, neither is your mass collection of fake gold jewellery. Please, if you’re going to be talking lyk dis all da time to meh, leave my page and preferably crawl under some rock. We won't get on well.

Grammar
People, there is a difference between your and you’re. I can’t believe that people seriously still don’t know it. There is a difference between their, there and they’re. What’s the point in converting you into yew or yoo??

Americans
But only really the ones who are convinced that America is the only country in the world. Lyk omgggggg, you’re lyk from Engerland? Is that another country, omg!!!!!!! one! I forgot, you guys talk funny, omfg lolzzz. Omg youre like totally far away.!!!. Lets not forget you guys voted this man as President:

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

About as cool as an abortion clinic. [Other than that, Americans are pretty awesome actually].

Bluetooth
Assholes with hands-free cell phone headsets. Yes, you are so important that you need to shave an excruciating 3 seconds off of your phone answering time, because people are calling you non-stop. Plus you have so many important things to do with your free hands... sure.

And phewwwwwwwwwww!

Things that are difficult to say when youre drunk

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when youre drunk

a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when youre drunk

a) Thanks, but I dont want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but youre not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isnt it lovely out tonight?
f) Im not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldnt - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. Id hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street