The Man that is...



1.Jack Bauer has a higher body count than Hitler.

2.Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

3. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

4. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

5. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

6. The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.

7. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

8. There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

9. They say you can't go a day without water, Jack Bauer has gone five seasons.

10. Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.

11. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.

12. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away

13. After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

14. Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"

15. Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.

16. Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.

17. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

18. If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.

19. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

20. The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.

21. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

22. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

23. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

24. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

25. If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.

26. Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.

27. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

28. When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

29. When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."

30. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

31. Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

32. If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer.

33. There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.

34. "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".

35. There are 1246 things in a room Jack Bauer can kill you with, including the room.

36. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

37. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

38. If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.

39. Explosions do not kill Jack Bauer, they just get stuff out of his way

Let me know what your thoughts are on the next series of