1. Henrik Larsson is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Henrik Larsson allows to live.

3. Henrik Larsson once pointed his finger at a speeding Stealth Jet and said "BANG!", causing the hi-tech aircraft to disintegrate.

4. When Henrik Larsson was born, the nurse said, "Holy shit! That's
Henrik Larsson!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the seventh girl he had slept with.

5. When Henrik Larsson goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,967 objects Henrik Larsson could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two quid from Henrik Larsson and forgot to pay him back.

8. Henrik Larsson can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are Henrik Larssons way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

10. When Henrik Larsson jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Henke'd instead.

11. Henrik Larsson can divide by zero.

12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Henrik Larsson, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

13. Henrik Larsson is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

14. Henrik Larsson has two speeds: score and kill.

15. Henrik Larsson is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. Henrik Larsson can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why Henrik Larsson's diet consists entirely of bricks and steel.

18. Henrik Larsson once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "fillet of hun" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

19. Henrik Larsson played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

20. If you were to lock Henrik Larsson in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Henrik replied "Because Grammy's are for huns." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, Henrik Larsson randomly selects one lucky hun to be thrown into the sun.

22. When Henrik Larsson does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

23. Henrik Larsson invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Nacho Novo invented pink.

24. Henrik Larsson coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

25. Henrik Larsson haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

26. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Henrik Larsson punched himself in the face.

27. Henrik Larsson once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

28. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Henrik Larsson.

29. Henrik Larsson sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled footballing ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Henrik overhead kicked a ball off the devils face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Henrik wins every time.

30. It is impossible to be raped by Henrik Larsson because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

31. Henrik Larsson was once on Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

32. Little huns enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying gl