She seemed dressed in all of me
Stretched across my shame,
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me.
I'd do anything to have her to myself,
Just to have her for myself.
Now I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad.

She is everything to me,
The unrequited dream,
The song that no one sings,
The unattainable.
She's a myth that I have to believe in,
All I need to make it real is one more reason.

I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do
when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me.
I won't let this build up inside of me.
I won't let this build up inside of me.
I won't let this build up inside of me.

A catch in my throat
choke
Torn into pieces
I won't.
No.
I don't want to be this but

I won't let this build up inside of me (won't let this build up inside of me) x4

She isn't real.
I can't make her real.
She isn't real.
I can't make her real.

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.


Nodding and looking at your watch would be an acceptable response to "I love you."


Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.


When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the a programme, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a break


Birth control would come in beer or other beer


Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the sports team of your choice.


The funniest guy in the office would get to be boss


"Sorry I"m late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for lateness


At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you"d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a dinosaur and right into your car.


It"d be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on army helmets, and go attack a nearby town.


Tanks would be far easier to rent.


Instead of beer belly, you"d get "beer biceps."


Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You"re #1!"


Valentine"s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

St. Patrick"s Day would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.


Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

Margaret Thatcher, Mary McAlese and Miss Lawrence would be chained to a space ship and launched into space to destroy an oncoming asteroid for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.


The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.


The only activity opposite Monday Nightdrinkin would be Monday drinkin in a differnt club/pub


It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol.


Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.


When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That"s $10 off."


George bush would be put in charge of the UN, just to see what happens...


The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.


People would never talk about how fresh they felt.


Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.


Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

It would be illegal for women graded 7 and over on the Universal-Hot-Ometer to wear concealing clothing. 9 and over, illegal to wear clothing at all.

Lesbians would be forced to undergo cosmetic surgery if they wished to marry, in order to fit into mens ideals of what lesbian women should look like.

Maths Papers

northside, southside and bogger maths papers!!
NORTHSIDE JUNIOR CERT

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS
IN THE NORTHSIDE OF DUBLIN

NAME _________________________

NICK-NAME ____________________

GANG NAME ____________________

1. Deco has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Vinno for 300 Euro and 90 grams to Tomo for 90 Euro a gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

2. Anto pimps 3 brassers. If the price is 40 Euro a royde, how many roydes per day must each brasser perform to support Vinno\\\'s 500 Euro a day crack habit?

3. Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 Euro, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?

4. Christy got 6 years for murder. He also got €350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends €33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of the \\\'Joy?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with an eight fluid ounce can of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?

6. Liamo steals Eamo\\\'s bike. As Liamo pegs it away at a speed of 35 mph, Eamo loads his brother’s Armalite. If it takes Eamo 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liamo have travelled when he gets whacked?

SOUTH SIDE JUNIOR CERT

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS
IN THE SOUTHSIDE OF DUBLIN
NAME______________________________
_________________________
__________________________________
_________________________
__________________________________
_________________________
__________________________________
_________________________
__________________________________
_________________________
_________________(if longer, please continue on a separate sheet)

SCHOOL____________________

DADDY\\\'S COMPANY___________

1. Julian smashes up the old man\\\'s car, causing x amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local TD to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Julian driving now?

2. Chloe\\\'s personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn\\\'t even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?

4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbano. How much does liposuction cost?

5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start?

BOGGER JUNIOR CERT

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS
OUTSIDE DUBLIN

Name: Paddy/Mary _________________________

1. If Paddy Joe Murphy drove a Massey Ferguson through PaddyJohn’s turnip crop at 10miles an hour. What colour was Paddy John’s tractor?

2. If John Joe likes Mary and Mary likes Paddy, how much is a pint of stout in O\\\'Brien’s at the crossroads?

3. Paddy Joe Mahoney has 25 sheep, 10 cows, 12 hens, a cockerel and 6 geese. John Joe has 12 sheep, 18 cows and 12 pigs. How much does Paddy Joe offer to John Joe for a dowry for Mary?

4. If it takes Bridget 40 minutes to cycle 12 miles to O\\\'Brien’s on the crossroads for the ceilidh and it takes Mary Murphy