WARNING! If you are easily offended, read no further. Anyone familiar with my words will know why. I may, on occasion, cause great offence. You've been forewarned.

In a world often rocked by unpredictability, one invariable constant is the shock that reverberates when we're struck and made to face that very fact.

Who among us had anticipated the untimely demise of Heath Ledger? Katy French? The continuing surprise of Pete Doherty's longevity?

Tragic? Almost uniformly. Hysterical reactions abound regarding the passing of those with whom we are not even personally acquainted. But, sometimes it is this very demise that can cement a legacy. John Lennon, JFK, Elvis, Sid Vicious and Kurt Cobain made perhaps greater impacts in their deaths than a long life lived could ever have. You know what they say:

"Sometimes, the greatest tragedy is the life bereft of brevity". Who says that? Well....OK, it was me, but it's a point.

In a world where not just the good die young, it has to be asked:

Who is next?

That's right! I'm attempting to take some of the sting from that inevitable surprise. What famous name is next for the obituaries? Morbid? Certainly. Yet it's not as if I'm suggesting wide-scale assassinations. Who do you think is next to go?

Take two names, put them to the list and the first person to get one unfortunately right will receive a shiny €10 note. Anyone taking the law into their own hands, will be disqualified.

I apologise for any offence caused....PROFUSELY....I tried to tell you.

This is what a day misspent in work yields.

Limerick's attributed below -

Deebs:

“There once was a boy named Dave,
Who greeted bank folk with a wave,
He sat, got depressed,
Tired and stressed,
So vowed to send them all to their grave”

“There once was a Man of little Action,
His PC was lost and in traction,
He pulled out his hair,
But when it gets there,
He'll withdraw from all human interaction.”

“There once was a man whose caress,
With his hand knife would lead to distress,
On the toilet we did play,
In Eddie Rocket's one day,
Having forced me into a dress”

“There once was a girl named Louise,
Whose name didn't rhyme much with ease,
She brought us to Spidey,
Didn't sit down beside me,
Can someone stop me doing this please!?”

“There was a guy once they called Jamie,
He was a disciple of Raimi,
And was such a fan,
Of that wretched Spider-Man,
That I do hope to God he won't slay me.”

“There once was a guy they called Jamie,
Oh how I wish he would lay me,
I'm asking you this,
Much more than a kiss,
My latent hom0sexuality does betray me”

“There once lived a fellow named Paudie,
His drunken behaviour got bawdy,
He got into a fight,
And ended the night,
With a tattoo that looked rather gawdy”

“Out there lives a man they call Paudie,
The depression took hold, oh dear lawdy,
Exposure to socket electric,
Left him severely dyslexic,
So now he just sits on the saw-see”

“There once was a fella named Patrick,
He craved somewhere to put his dick,
His extractor fan,
Left him but half a man,
If only those wounds he could lick.”

Louise:

“There once was a boy name Jamie
Who was a fan of directer Sam Raimi
He defended Spidey three
Said it filled him with glee
I guess we all believe this claim-y”

“There was a young man named Byrne, Oh!
He did so want to be a journo
But he couldn't spell or punctuate
So proper sentences he could not create
He dreams went up in an inferno.”

“There was a chap called Paddy
Who was feeling a bit sad, He
was waiting for his new PC
To fill him with glee
Not much of a life, had he?”

“There once was a group of friends
Who avoided work no matter the ends
In order their boredom to fix
They created limericks
It drove their bosses round the bends.

But this gang of five were not to be deterred
Emails over work they preferred
They discussed films for fun
Even if they argued over one
Over the rest they usually concurred.

They came from different walks of life
They had to overcome all sorts of strife
Some had proxy servers they had to duck
Others couldn't read emails with f u c k
But good humour was always rife.

So what is to become of our quintet?
For successful careers they are surely set.
To avoid work is a talent of sorts
It's in abundance with these cohorts
Let's hope their dreams in life will be met.”

Action Man:

“There once was a young fella named Padraigh
He can tap, he can rap, he can jig
He made someone's daughter
Considered it slaughter
And now has a grave to go dig”

Jamie:

“'Oh Paddy' I spoke with no glee
'Why are you always touching me?'
'Your grabs are obscene,
They're causing a scene,
At least buy me a drink & we'll see'”

Paudie:

“I once knew a girl named Lousie,
Who's nickname did sound like a sneeze,
When people said 'Acho!',
I replied 'bless you'
Seems everyone's caught the disease”

Behold my box of flash, tis a graveyeard smash!

This year's FastForward entry was a zombie mish mash affair and so thar be the evidential proof of that.

Enjoy or a paste shall be made of your tears....it scares us all