So this burd in a Rangers top walks into a shop with her two kids.

Shopkeeper asks "Are they twins?"

Burd says "Na, he's 9 and she's 7. How, do you think they look alike?"

"Not really" comes the reply "Ah just cannae believe ye got shagged twice."

Friday 9th June 2006

Right, well...where I do I begin??? SICE project in, learner profile in, exam 1 of 11 on Monday and I have yet to start revision!!! Its gonna be a fun two weeks methinks. Meh I can blag most of them, just need Ds and above to go abroad, don't I?!
Ain't fair how our exam diet coincides with half of the bleeding World Cup but shit happens I spose. Just watched plucky Costa Rica get turned over by the Deutsch, I reckon they're worth a bet I really do!
Hmm what else, well my Bebo page has had 2500 hits, so that's another milestone - nowhere near the 5000-odd hits some people at Uni are gettin but beggars can't be choosers.
Rite, off to make my dinner - curry from scratch (kinda)!!! Byeeeee X

SAINTS wrapped up the First Division title yesterday with a 2-1 win over Dundee at Love Street. It wasn’t their best performance of the season by any stretch of the imagination, but it was effective and got the required points to officially secure the championship.

Goals from Kirk Broadfoot and Billy Mehmet, the latter finally breaking his Saints duck, were enough for the three points, although in the end it didn’t really matter as nearest challengers St Johnstone lost at Queen of the South.

The result means that Saints will take their place in the SPL next season, regardless of the undersoil heating situation, although there is the small matter of a trophy presentation in a fortnight before the season ends.

Saints boss Gus MacPherson stuck with the same starting eleven, and five subs, that beat Ross County last week, with Bell’s Player of the Month John Sutton starting against his former club.

Over seven and a half thousand Buddies crammed into Love Street in the hope of seeing Saints win the League for the first time in six years, and such was the size of the turnout that kick off had to be delayed by ten minutes to let everyone in.

Saints started brightly and could have taken the lead inside the opening minutes, Sutton flicking on for Kean, but the ball bounced awkwardly and it trickled wide of the goal. Shortly after, Hugh Murray picked up a soft booking for a foul on Colin Marshall, who reacted as if he’d been shot to the midfielder’s challenge.

Many people expected Saints to turn up and stroll to victory, however Dundee showed they weren’t going to be pushovers and Simon Lynch fired just wide after being set up by Steven Craig. Shortly after there were cheers around Love Street as Queen of the South went a goal up on St Johnstone.

In the sixteenth minute, Charlie Adam won a foul outside the box and Kirk Broadfoot’s free kick was brilliantly saved by Scott Murray. However, the big defender wasn’t to be denied for long, as from the resulting corner a scramble ensued before the ball somehow squirmed over the line, with Broadfoot claiming the last touch. No one really cared who’d scored or how the ball had gone in; the important thing was Saints were in front.

The lead was almost gone minutes later when Marshall’s cross was headed just over by Lynch, but there was more good news for Saints fans with Queen of the South now winning 2-0.

Broadfoot almost bagged his second of the game in the 26th minute, his shot being deflected wide, whilst Kean headed Simon Lappin’s corner well over the bar. There was some light relief shortly before the break when Saints boss Gus MacPherson tried to catch a ball that had gone out for a throw-in, much to the delight of the Saints support.

However, the half-time atmosphere was tense with the news that St Johnstone were now drawing at Palmerston, despite being down to ten men, and things got worse shortly after the interval.

A Paul Dixon free-kick seemed to be going wide, but at the last minute looked dangerous. This sent Saints keeper Tony Bullock scurrying across goal, only for the ball to bounce off the post. However, instead of going out for a goal-kick, it bounced straight to Steven Craig, who had the simple task of tapping the ball into the empty net. Love Street was stunned.

Saints almost retook the lead sixty seconds later when Broadfoot’s goalbound header was cleared for a corner, and there were screams for a free-kick shortly after when Bobby Mann appeared to pass the ball back to Dixon, but referee Calum Murray was having none of it. He did give Saints a free-kick two minutes later, which resulted in Adam forcing Dixon into another good save.

Just after this, Bullock found himself being replaced by Chris Smith, partly down to his mistake for the goal and partly down to the fact he was carrying an injury before the game.

If Saints fans were annoyed with the lack of a free-kick for Mann’s passback, they were even angrie