Taoism: Shit Happens
Hinduism: This Shit Happened Before
Islam: If Shit Happens, Take A Hostage
Buddhism: When Shit Happens, Is It Really Shit?
7th Day Adventist: Shit Happens On Saturday
Protestantism: Shit Won't Happen If I Work Harder
Catholicism: If Shit Happens, I Deserve It
Jehovah's Witness: Knock, Knock, "Shit Happens"
Judaism: Why Does Shit Always Happen To Me?
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Dong
Atheism: No Shit
T.V Evangelism: Send More Shit
Rastafarianism: Let's Smoke This Shit

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam paper:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant thereof.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Krissy Jones during my Freshman year that "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.

This student got the only A.

I met an old hurler now sixty and six,
Who played centre forward and under the sticks,
He played with the Islands,the Redmonds and Barrs,
He had medals to prove it with old battle scars,
He could play don't forget although an old crock,
But the best men he met were the boys of Blackrock.

I asked his opinion what he had to say,
Of the men of the past and the boys of today,
He answered me with a gleam in his eye,
Can you equal the men of the days that's gone by
For the men of today are just chips off the block,
Of the men who won credit for Cork and Blackrock.

If you wanted a hurler you'd find him for sure,
Ballinlough,Ballintemple and around Ballinure,
I don't care what you say but give me the old stock ,
And stand up and hurl with the boys of Blackrock.

Can you equal the Coughlans,the Ahernes,the Sheas,
Scannell,Cremin,Curtis and match Stephen Hayes,
I can mention their names from the round of the clock,
The men that won credit for Cork and Blackrock.........


" Twas the Rockies taught Ireland what hurling was then,
With science and skill they proved they were men,
Against prejudice they stood many a hard knock
The boys that won credit for Cork and Blackrock.....

Now all you young hurlers take pattern by me,
And don't waste your time by the banks of the Lee,
Just come down to Beaumont and meet the old stock,
And we'll learn to hurl with the boys of Blackrock