When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. And girls love that.

Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say “you better be”, repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care

If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

Warm her up when she’s cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party

If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

Every time you’re in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order interrupt and say no she’s not hungry. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren’t important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
· There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
· The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
· The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
· Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
· CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
· Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
· Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
· In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
· Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
· Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
· Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.