.Chapter 1


Many years ago a great war raged between good and evil, right and wrong. A great lord known as Bardog who was a vicious malevolent magician had taken the world with an iron grip. The few that dared to oppose him were slaughtered mercilessly. Don’t get me wrong in the beginning he was opposed by people such as the army and the navy and such but the strange thing was that no matter how many bullets they fired or how many missiles they launched Bardog seemed to be immune to all of them. bullets passed through him like a wind through leaves on a Novembers day and yet still he advanced. Of course every story has a beginning and how rude it was of me to launch into a debate about the evil Bardog when you haven’t a clue who he is. Let me begin again.
Bardog was born on the 1st of January in the year 2000. it was quiet a surprise when his mother gave birth to him at exactly midnight because that meant he was the first baby to be born in the new millennium. Bardog grow up quiet normally or so we think because what little we no of his childhood was destroyed by him. When he was 15 years old he went into a truly unprovoked rage. Having no history of such violence before nobody seemed to no what to do and they left him to it. His rage only lasted a day but it stayed with him for the rest of his life. It began to build up inside him and at the age of 17 he killed his parents and went about destroying all history of himself. What was even more peculiar was that at 18 years old he miraculously learned how to conjure fire with his bare hands. This was most peculiar and he became known as the great magician because nobody knew how he did it and it all looked like an act. As the years trickled by he learned more evil spells and eventually he learned to raise the dead. He perfected this art and by using black magic made himself and his dead army immune to any bullet or such. With this immunization against bullets he would have the chance to take over the world. Their was a downside or two such as the skeletons couldn’t fire any bullets or such but the worlds army’s were so reliant on guns that it wouldn’t even matter. Or so he thought. With this spell he quickly eradicated the worlds army’s but the spell had one downside which was discovered by sheer accident. If a weapon such as a sword spear or arrow were to come into contact with Bardog or his army they could be harmed maybe even killed. With this secret it meant that the world might begin to revolt against Bardog and that could interrupt his plans for what he had in store for the world though what his plans were are unknown. Nonetheless it certainly wasn’t going to be a plan to save lives but more towards ending them. Bardog tried to keep this secret contained but it was imposable and people began to stand up to him but by then he had recruited to many people and his army’s were to large to tackle. Bardog took control of the world and he turned it into a world of ash and hatred. Crime was rampant people were killed mercilessly and nobody could stand up to him until one day (the 5th of august to be more precise) a group of convicts decided to have one last stand. With them were three magicians who were from a near non-extinct race. These three had the power to imprison Bardog and his army under-ground until a true warrior who could face Bardog would emerge and only then would Bardog be freed. The plan was for Bardog to then confront this warrior and be killed by him. But the plan turned into a massacre. Bardog found out about the plan and on the 5th of august the convicts fought Bardogs army’s, protecting the magicians for as long as they could.
The fugitives could feel the ground shaking even before they could see the enemy and when they did see them it looked like a giant black curtain had been draped across the landscape hiding all that was beautiful and good in the world. The army paused within range of their archers and the order went round to ’’f

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-science:'ok which one of u pair of cocks has left da lid off the smallpox jar?'
-Pet shop:customer:'got any snake treats?'employee'ive got a pair of sausage dogs in da freezer.its like givin dem ice cream.if u want i cud stick a bit o wood up dem so u cud hold it?'
-work:'i cant come in today so fuck off!'
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-park:person 1:'thats a long tail'. person 2:'actually its shit!'
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-open prison:'right anyone who actually isnt a prisnor please go home!'

-when u change da channel on tv da presenter u were just watchin dies instantlly.
-if u rub 2 red heads 2geter u can make fire.
-dont bother trowin bread at ducks theyve all got atkins.
-post boxes (keenly aware of their higher status) taunt litter bins when were not around.
-theres a cat flap every 5 miles in da great wall o china.
-dead peple ar just bein lazy.
-Drop a tooth in a glass o coke, wait a day or 2, an it becomes a white butterfly.
-draw anythin u like but if u draw a disney charecter il call disney an theyll sue u!
-On st patricks day every irish family has a whole roast leprechaun.
-snails like 2 play chicken...it takes them 2 an a half hours!
-bowlin balls hav retraceable eyes.
-penguins are just pretendin they cant fly.trow 1 of a buildin an c 4 urself.
-the worlds tallest dwarf is 6 foot 2 inches.
-da hungry hippoes hav joined weight watchers.
-heaven isnt full but its car park is.
-jesus loves u...every1 else thinks ur an asshole.
-unkle paul has a zip where his bumhole sud b but never mention it 2 him.
-if u write all the numbers up 2 infinity ill give u infinity pounds!
-if u blow enough chewin gum u can blow a massive bubble from ur arse.try it in school assembly.
-cats cant walk into the wind.
-starfish are alchoholics thats why beaches are covered in beer cans an u never c a starfish standin up.
-cows hav different accents in germany.
-if u cut a badger in half it turns into 2 chipmunks.
-cowpats are actually made by ladybirds.
-sudoku is how ur mum receves coded messages from her communist leaders.
-when dr. david banner (da hulk) gets slightly annoyed he 'half hulks'.
-if they name a hurricane after u u hav 2 pay 4 da damages it causes.
-write daddys name on the side of his car an itll b easier 4 im 2 find it.hell luv u 4 it.