01. Run out the store (with your friend) shouting, "I'm Batman! Come, Robin, to the Batmobile!"

02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals

03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies
toilet.

04. Move a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

05. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask:
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

06. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if
he knows where the anti-depressants are located.

07. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme
from Mission Impossible.

08. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse
through,
say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

09. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and
assume the foetal position and scream "NO! ........It's those voices
again!!!"

And last but not least:

10. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell
loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here."

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes...(read them out loud)

1) That's not right .........................
Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harbouring a fugitive?.............
Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP............................
Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man ................................
Dum Fuk

5) Small Horse ...............................
Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? ..................
Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table ..............
Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift ..............
Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here ....................
Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet .............
Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone ..................
No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ...
Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight .....................
Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile .............
Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive ..............
Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great ..................................
Fa Kin Su Pah

ROUND THE ISLES

Once upon a time there was a man called Ben Becula who was much Harris-sed lest he might Lewis his life. So he took a cocktail of Eigg and Rhum, though it seemed Eriskay drink especially as he wasn’t Uist to it. Shortly afterwards he said, “Iona feel a little Tiree-ed,” and he knew he Shuna swallowed the Muck, so he said, “Islay me down to en-Jura little peace.” Later he was heard to Colonsay, “I hear my final Coll.” So his soul went to Skye, and they took his body in a Barra. As for his poor wife, she Canna believe it, and it is a wonder the shock has St.Kilda.