SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Drink unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another drink.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Alcohol tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another drink.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Drink is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.


SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.


SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free alcohol.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The drink is too weak.
ACTION: Have more alcohol until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song, but voice is sensational.
FAULT: Drink is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar

1 Who are you?.......
2. Are we friends?........
3. When and how did we meet?........
4. Do you have a crush on me?.........
5. Give me a nickname and explain why?........
6. Describe me in one word........
7. what was your first impression of me?.......
8. Do you still think the same?......
9. What reminds you of me?.....
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?......
11. How well do you know me?......
12. Whens the last time you saw me?.....
13. Ever wanted to tell me something you couldnt?......
14. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what i say about you?.....

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN UNIVERSITY TOO LONG WHEN...

You actually like doing laundry at home where the washing machines work.
Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
The Doctor tells you that you've got blood in your alcohol stream
Coffee is like a drug.
Your mobile is a part of your anatomy.
You'd rather clean than study, esp. if an essay's due.
Oh shit - how did it get so late" rolls out of ur mouth at least once a nite!
The taxi driver tells you how much the fair is before you say where your going
Home cooking becomes something u desire, not avoid.
Waking up and thinking "i was wasted like 5 hours ago!" happens most mornings.
U plan your classes around sleep habits & sitcoms, especially simpsons and family guy.
You know the pizza boy by name and don't even need to read the menu
You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
You live for getting post.
Bebo is obsessive.
You start repeating yourself and forgetting what you just said.
Looking out the window is a form of entertainment. indeed it is!
Prank phone calls become funny again.
You start repeating yourself and forgetting what you just said.
You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your accent becomes a hybrid of West Country, Surrey, and general Northern with a bit of irish thrown in.
Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
So are sandals.
Rearranging your room is your favourite pastime.
You take naps.
Rubbish cheap shops rock - coz they have cool straws and cheap duff from china.
The weekend lasts from Monday to Thursday.
Road signs and equipment may become furniture.
You plan the next party when your still hungover from the last.
What turns out to be "a quite drink" ends in being carried home.

BEFORE I CAME TO UNIVERSITY, I WISH I HAD KNOWN...
That it didn't matter how late my first lecture was, I'd still sleep through it.
That I could change so much and barely realize it.
That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
No matter how 'cool' you were in school, no one here cares.
That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
That every clock on campus shows a different time.
That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn't matter here.
That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.
That you can know everything and fail a test.
That you can know nothing and ace a test.
That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.
That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures.
That friendship is more than getting drunk together but that's still funny......!
That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and
that Physics is really Maths.
That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.
That it's possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by friends.
Don't be dismayed at good-byes, a farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is
certain for those who are friends.

TOP REASONS THAT UNIVERSITY IS LIKE PRIMARY SCHOOL
10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what
you look like (because everyone else looks as stupid as you do)
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4.You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to cheese toasties.


IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE, JUST LEAVE IT AS A COMMENT AND ILL ADD IT