Guide to the perfect nite out!!!!
guide to surviving any night..........


SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone, don't even recognise the room you're in.
FAULT: Don't panic - you've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they've any free pints anyhow.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That drink is too weak.
ACTION: Have more until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to song.
FAULT: drink is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient alcohol intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage

16 Reasons To Date A Horseback Rider

1.We have 4 speeds and many positions

2.We wear tight pants and tall boots

3.We love getting dirty

4.We know how to ride our mounts

5.We perform well with animals

6.We like to be in control

7.We’ll ride it for hours

8.We know how to handle a big girth

9.We get off easy

10.We’re always on top

11.We like it rough

12.We have our legs spread all day long

13.We love using whips

14.Stradling is our natural position

15.We don’t mind being bucked around

16.Endurance riders do it longer