1.What DVD is in your DVD player right now?
i dnt hav a dvd player

2.If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
dnt fink so

3.Do you look more like your mum or your dad?
dno

4.Is that your natural hair color?
nope

5.How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
9ish

6.Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
no

7.Do you have a crush on anyone?
no

8.How long have you known them and do they know you like them?


9.Can you lick your elbow?
no

10.If you jumped out your bedroom window right now, how injured would you get?
a bit

11.If you woke up as the opposite sex, what’s the 1st thing you would do?


12.Do you wear fake tan?
no

13.Do you like sneezing, or do you hate that feeling?
dnt care

14.What is your favourite room in your house?
my room

15.What was the last thing you had to drink?
robinsons diluting juice

16.Do fish make good pets?
nt reli

17.Would you rather have a pet Ostrich or a pet Sheep?
ostrich!!

18.Has an animal ever attacked you?
they tried

19.What kind of mobile phone do you own?
samsung toco ultra

20.Whats the biggest amount of mobile phone credit/phone bill you've had in a month?
£42 i fink

21.Who’s car were you last in that wasn’t family?
cant rememba

22.Are they a good driver in your opinion?
2 ryt

23.When’ s the last time you showered
yday

24.If you didnt shower for 3 days do you think you would smell?
probs

25.Do you sleep in a single or double bed?
Single

26.Do you make your bed daily?
no

27.How many clothes do you have in your closet?
where do i start ...

28.Where’d you get the top you’re wearing?
JJB

29.How many windows/tabs do you have open on your computer right now?
1

30.Do you ever crack your knuckles/fingers?
nt often

31.When was the last time you laughed really hard?
cnt rememba

32.Do you take compliments well?
sum tyms

33.Do you find piercings attractive?
depends

34.Would you rather be able to fly for a day or be invisible for a day?
invisable

35.Do you personally know the people on your top friends list?
of course

36.Where does number one live?
twn

37.Would you date them?
already am

38.Who kissed you on the forehead last?
t bf

39.What color of socks do you have on?
multicoloured stripy

40.Do you have any interesting bruises or scars?
no

41.How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
hour nd a half

42.Have you bought anything today?
no

43.Ever dated someone you didn't find attractive in the least?
ye

44.Where’s the closest hoodie to you right now?
my room

45.Morning or night person? Or Afternoon?
night

46.Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
ye

47.What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever licked?
lol

48.How many pics of just you do you have?
dno

49.What fast food restaurant do you think has the Best French Fries?
mcdonalds

50.Would you prefer Irn Bru or Vimpto?
irn bru

51.When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
dno

52.Have you ever had a “kick me” sign on your back without realizing it?
probs

53.Lap top or pc?
laptop

54.What color is your keyboard?
Black

55.Who is your internet provider and who pays for it?
bt

56.Have you ever sat down in a chair but fell to the floor, only to find that someone pulled out your chair on purpose?
ye used 2 play it in primary al t tym!

57.Do things like that still amuse you when they happen to other people?
ye

58.Did you know that twinkle twinkle little star and the alphabet have the same rhyme?
ye

59.Did you just sing them to make sure?
no

60.Are you a secretive person, or are you open with your thoughts?
depends

61.If you had to, would you rather eat maggots or worms?
maggots

62.Have you seen a sunflower in real life before?
ye

63.Have you ever used eye lash curlers?
ye

64.Do you text or call more?
txt

65.

Gary Glitter bought 100 cases of glenfiddich scotch whisky today. Because the salesman told him It's a Cheeky little twelve year old that goes down well.

After his death, Gary Glitter has asked if his ashes could be put in an etch-a-sketch, so he can still have kids playing with his knob!

Jenny's friend Debbie was at work complaining about a sore throat and laryngitis. 'When I have that I always give a blow job to my husband and next day I'm better. You should try it. Next day Debbie comes in singing. 'How did it go?' enquires Jenny. 'Brilliant,' says Debbie, 'Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!'

Got home & found the cat dead in the washing machine earlier....I'm fucking gutted....But at least she died in Comfort!

Little boy asks dad where poo comes from? Dad explains food passes down esophagus to stomach where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before waste products descend via the colon & rectum to emerge as "poo". Blimey says little boy, & what about Tigger?

Man goes to his Doctor & says "I've been shagging the wife for 10yrs now & she is getting a bit loose, can you suggest anything to tighten her up a little bit?" Doc says
"Well, this is a bit of a taboo subject, but have you tried going up the other hole?" the man replies "WHAT? & risk getting her pregnant?!"

When asked if I preferred legs or breasts , I told the stranger that I had a particular fondness for hairy fannies.
He then informed me that this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargin bucket.


Dustman goes up to a Chinese restaurant and asked the man on the door:

"Where's ya bin?"

The Chinaman man replies "I been to Hong Kong!"

"No," the dustman says, "where's your bin?"

"I been to Hong Kong!" the Chinaman says again.

"Noooo," the dustman says, "where's ya wheeley bin?"

"I weally been to Hong Kong!!"



A spastic goes to an ice cream van.

The man in the van asks him what flavour he'd like.

The guy replies: "It doesn't matter, I'm just going to drop the fucker anyway."



Michael Jackson tried killing himself Wednesday morning by jumping off his boat . The police found him last night bobbing up and down on a small buoy

you may not have heard, but the bloke who invented the hokey cokey died the other day. the undertakers got him all embalmed and in his best clothes, top of the range coffin etc, anyway, they got the left leg in, and thats when the trouble started.......


A man has a sex change!

A mate asks "Didnt it hurt when they chopped ya cock & balls off?"
He replied..
"Not as much as when they shrank my brain & widened me gob!"


This bloke asked me to take part in a charity run, so I said "piss off, no chance" and he said "Go on mate, it's for blind and spastic kids", and I thought "Fuck it, I could win this."


My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so he could monitor my mood!
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead.


Polish immigrant goes to Specsavers for an eye test. The optician shows him a card with the letters

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read that?" Asks the optician.

"Read it?" Replies the Pole, "I know the cunt!"


Q. why did the condom fly away from the penis??
A. it was pissed off

Q. why is a penis like arubix cube??
A. the more you play with it, the harder it gets!


A Scottish woman walks into her bedroom & finds her husband wanking into his wellie.
"Hamish!" she shouts
"You dirty bastard. "Stop fucking aboot!"


2 priests in shower 1 nite. realise there's no soap. naked Father John goes 2 his room 2get some. Grabs 2 bars of soap, 1 in each hand & heads back.Halfway down hall 3nuns head his way. Father John prtends 2b a statue! Nuns can't believe how lifelike he looks. 1st nun pulls his manhood. Startled h

*NAME:

*AGE:

*GENDER:

*LOCATION:

*ARE WE CLOSE:

*WOULD U KISS ME:

*WOULD U SHAG ME:

*HAVE U GOT A GF/BF:

*WILL WE EVER GET TOGETHER(AGAIN/1ST TIME):

*ARE YOU A VIRGIN:

*HAVE YOU EVRY SEEN ME DRUNK:

*HAVE YOU EVER GOT ME DRUNK:

*HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO TELL ME SOMETHING:

*HAVE YOU EVER TOLD ME A BIG LIE:

*HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF ME AS GF/BF MATERIAL:

*WOULD YOU EVER CHEAT ON ME:

*WOULD YOU FORGIVE ME IF I CHEATED ON YOU:

*WOULD YOU EVER MARRY ME:

*WOULD YOU EVER HATE ME:

*WHATS YOUR GOODBYE MESSAGE: