podge and rodge 1liners

A few of these are classics...

I'm as sick as a small hospital
I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child
She had a face on her like a well slapped a*se
Your' re as welcome as a f*rt in a spacesuit
My mouth's as dry as a nun' s cr@ck
He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup
He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician
As funny as a burning orphanage
He's so camp, he shites tent pegs
I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes
I feel like a boiled sh1te (hung-over)
(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress
She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn
As busy as the Dalkey dole office
Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit
As tight as a nun's knickers
I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn
I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of
the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.
Up and down like a whore's knickers
No show pony but would do for a ride around the house
Did your mother find out who your father is yet?
What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt
I left her with a face like a painter' s radio
A Mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard!!
Jays us, she could breastfeed a crè che
As fit as a butcher's dog
She ' s got more chins than a Chinese phone book
Not even the tide would take her out
Mother Teresa wouldn' t 't kiss her
Daz wouldn't shift her
Des Kelly wouldn't lay her
A sniper wouldn't take her out
Jays us, ya wouldn't ride her into battle
If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one
She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a nettle
She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede
She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab
If I'd a garden full of Mickey' s I wouldn't let her look over the wall

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is
not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the
Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing
here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem
longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Laughing

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Confused

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to
a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Very Happy

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Cool

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

1.Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you hav a crush on me?
5. Would u shift me?
6. would u go out wit me?
7. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10. Do u still think the same?
11. What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?
18. R u gona put this on ur blog and c wat i say bout u?
19. Anything 2 say b4 u go?