We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called
beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There
is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither is there
apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't
invented in England</st1:place></st1:country-region>. </o:p>

</o:p>

We take English for granted,
but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea</st1:place></st1:country-region> nor is it a
pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but
not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call
it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks
who grew up speaking English should be committed to
an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play
and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send
cargo by ship. We have noses that run and feet that
smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come
Mother's not Mop?

WHY TARAGLEN WAS SO FANTASTICLY BRILLIANT!
the mystery of the albino, whether u say al-bean-oh or al-bine-oh, the musical instrument game,the fact that ni-ni and sab could not no matter how hard the tried get the hang of it, the pile of mud when u tried to get in and out, ceva being really drunk really quick and impersonating the mcdonald brothers in a tartan dressing gown(and all who were there know what she did next), the fact that we had our own ben from x-factor with us, the way ray has the same vocal range as leona from x-factor, the wizz-bounce-boinge game that we got pretty bored of pretty quick,me&ais&cevas sprint in the rain to the taxi that was UNDERAPPRECIATED!, slagging the taxi driver to his face on the way there, megan trying to get in without paying then vickie then niamh, the way we took over the dancefloor, sarah duffy tripping over a step-falling flat on her ass and then pretending like she meant to do it by sitting down and fixing her shoe, the incedents in the bathroom which we will not speak of, the smelly guy with the christmas cowboy hat, ais biting his nipple twice, ceva shoving everyones nose in his armpit, the packi that tried to score everyone, his smelly friend in the stripey jumper who tried also but suceeded with sab, those two fat bogger messes who tried to butt in on our circle and trav tried to start on them, trav being humped against the dj box by the small bald dwarfy dude, the bouncers throwing 3 guys out for knocking into us, when i got slagged for looking like a christmas decoration,when we were trying to get our coats and duffy wanted to start on the girl standing innocently beside the que, mine and cevas drunken convo with the taxi firm as to where to meet them, sitting blocking the way out singing "suite 16" and "we love u foxrock", niamh telling the bouncer who asked her was she from dublin and who then said "how are ya?" that she was from foxrock-"u know the posh part?", inviting the smelly guy back to amys for an orgy, finding our way to the bus and thinking every bus we saw was definitely ours, when the bus came and we had lost sab,duffy and nini, our search for them, when we found them up the other end of the town with three guys who they had invited back, the fact that one of they guys had bllod pumping out of every part of his face, me pointing out this fact to nini who turned around and said opps he didnt have that a second ago, joanne getting on the bus and amy saying we had two losers on the bus, the fight with the taxi driver over paing 5 euro, the taxi driver then bringing us to the police station for refusing to pay 5 euro, me convincing everyone it was prob a better idea just to pay, ais then slagging the taxi driver, everyone chanting abuse at the taxi driver, ais saying they were all poor cuz they were farmers,someone then telling her that then she was also slagging danny, finding out some very interesting facts about joanne whilst vickie slept on top of me- 1. she is 32, 2. she has a 9 yr old son, 3. she lives opposite taravale 4.she used to live in greystones 5.she has been engaged for 9 years and 6.she is going to be on beat the stylist in spring as she dresses like an 18 yr old, vickie k.oing straight into bed when we got home-soon followed by me,meg and ais, duffy getting a watering can poured over her head when she fell asleep, niamh,ceva,amy and sab cracking open two more bottles of wine at 4 in the morning, niamh saying she'd give amy if she ate a block of cheese, amy actually agreeing to this bet, the 4 of them pretending to be some sort of gosple choir, sab k.oing, when they finally went to bed sab getting really upset when ceva told her to build a bridge and get over it, sab then telling amy that ceva told her to build a bridge on top of duffy, when me and ais got up at 10 then next morning and watched not another teen movie twice in a row,the way both times we rewinded it back it stopped half way through and started to play at the albino bit"i have no pigmen

Things I Miss About School
banter at the lunch table, huddles at the lunch table, ms Regans finger, birthdays and the cakes that were demolished, the way duff and o donnell were always late for school, the morning prayer and the queer songs that went with it, Caoimhes "elite" prefect meetings every wednesday, videos in Ms Carthys calss and how it took about three weeks to watch them, the time we locked Brenno in the broom press, talent shows and how we always stole the show (becoming Michael Jackson neone?), being late for the Leas class, thinking of excuses with O Donnell as to why we didnt have our Lear/comparitive/poetry essays done, waterfights in the bathroom, Sandra and Patricias notorious catchphrase "make a moooooooooooeve!!", how noone knew Safaris real name, how i used to collect money for the charity committee on non-uniform days even tho i wasnt even on the charity committee!, when vickie got stuck in the door, the first year locker room, bomb with old lunches - COBS favourite game, how we always sang at the lunch table and made SUCH a scene, for the study girls - human slingshot, when me and caoimhe used to follow he first years and put noodles in their hair, the bar machine and his trusty keeper the bar machine man, duff refusing to get her locker opened cuz u had to pay, embarrassing niamh in front of mr o brien, spreading rumours that she lost her virginity to Sr Lopez, hide and go seek and dodging the regan and the ginley while playing, ripping it out of regan and ginley, the oratory and all the pagan rituals that went along with it, duffs gymnastic displays in the oratory, duffys unbelievably accurate impressions of a certain HLD individual, the common room and how we just werent a part of it, passing comments on absolutely everybody on non uniform days, the carol service and the serenity of the whole affair, Ms Sheehys maths classes (o donnel u r feelin me on that one), ripping the piss out of the opiniated fuckers (names will remain confidential), Cobs parallel parking outside the school, PE and the lack of participation involved, getting caught eating lunch in Ms Earlys room, disobeying the 1 o'clock lunch rule and just eating in there at 12.40 regardless, cafeteria duty, how we just expected our table and bullied neone else who sat at it, the home ec girls cooking competitions, the smell of the home ec room (YUCK), computers in 4th year - COCO u ledge, the schools poor excuses for substitute teachers, signing in and out, gettingnotes signed by ms molloy!!!!