ballylynch olympics


In an attempt to influence the members of the International Olympic Committee in their choice of venue for the games in 2016(appart from death threats and blackmail), the organisers of Ballylynch's bid decided to create a new schedule of events bringing the physical capacitance of the playing field to the streets of Carrick-on-Suir. Here is what they came up with:

The opening ceremony will begin with the lighting of the Olympic flame, only this year a native of Ballylynch will ignite it ny throwing a petrol bomb from a short distance. This flame will burn for the duration of the games in a Honda Civic outside the "Slab Bar".

The events have been altered in the following ways:
100 Metres Sprint: Competitors will have to run away from a rapid pitbull, place 10 yards behind them, for 100m with a television and a new DVD player in each arm
100 Metres Hurdles: Much the same as the sprint but with added obsticles such as car bonnets, hedges, walls, fences, etc.
Hammer: Competitors will get to throw any type of hammer they can steal out of Cleary's. the winner will be the one who can cause the most grievious bodily harm to members of the public within time limit.
Boxing: Both competitors will be given 20 cans of Dutch Gold each to drink and brought down to the Abracabbabra to scrap it out for the gold medal.
Pentathalon: This event will include mugging, Breaking and entering, joy riding, arson and cycling(see below)
Cycling: Each competitor will have to steal a bike out of Keogh's Bicycle Repair Shop and cycle down past the barricks and out the Craig road. Last one to be arrested wins.
Swimming: Competitors will be thrown off the New Bridge into the river Suir. The last three left will be fished out and made fight over the medals.
50km Walk:Unfortunatly this event had to be canceled as Gardai cannot guarentee the safety of anyone walking through Ballylynch at any time

For all non-Waterfordians, learn!
Welcome to Waterford then:

Blaa - An often under-cooked bread roll that hails from Waterford. There
are two distinct varieties; the floury/soft which is very soft and has layers of flour covering it and the crusty, they're smashing!

Bawel - Ball e.g. "On de bawel boi!"- "Thank you, my friend."

Boi - Boy: Waterford word, normally put at the end of each sentence,
said when Waterfordonian is speaking to a male or in some cases a female

Butty - Friend. "Well, butty, you were in de horrars las' night boi!"= "Hello, my friend, you were quite drunk last night, sir!"

Bunkers - A metaphor for a very steep hill. Bunkers hill is a steep hill in
Waterford commonly used by driver instructors to catch out people trying to pass their test."Twas like bunker's, boi"= "It was a very steep hill, sir"

Baytin' - A good beating. See "hiden"

Baatel - Eg. 'A baatel of Guinness.'

Ballacks - Boll*cks.

Bibe - A cantankerous woman, normally middle-aged to old! It's really the
Waterford word for the banshee.

Blaas - A popular replacement for Euro's. "Das fifty blaas, boi" = "That is
50 Euros, my friend"

Cant - To throw; "Cant the bawel up de field, boi!"- "Throw the ball up the
field, sir!"

Cat - Distasteful, unattractive, revolting. e.g. "Dat 'ung wan is cat";
"That girl is rather unattractive."

Chicken Ranch, De - The local pub in Ballybeg.

Fade o' blaas - A hearty breakfast, see also; Blaa

Gurl/Gul - Girl. Waterford word, normally put at the end of each sentence,
said when Waterfordonian is speaking to a female.

Glass, De - Waterford Crystal. Every man in Waterford over the age of 40, at one point in his life has worked in "De Glass". Used to be Waterford's biggest source of income and employment. They now use auto-cutters, fuck*ng robots! There's still a few lads working there but very few compared to years ago, most of it is now made abroad.

Gawkin'- Looking intensely at; staring. "What are you gawkin' at, boi?"; "What
are you looking at ,sir?"

Go, Yer - To fight. "Do ye want yer GO, boi, I'll puck de head off ya,
boi!", - Do you wish to fight over the matter?, I'll hit you about the head, sir!"

Horrars, De - The state of being drunk, NOT a local establishment in Waterford, a common mistake by Cork people.

Hiden - A good beating, see "Baytin'"

Happent - Haven't; "I happent a clue, boi"; "I haven't a clue, sir."

Haimes - To make a mess of something; "You're making a haimes o'dat boi!"

Jonnies - 1.Condoms 2. People from the vicinity of John's park.

Lack, De - The girlfriend.

Loo lah - To be slightly insane! "Dat 'ung wan is loo lah!" ; "That girl is slightly insane!"

Munstaar, De - The Munster Express, the local newspaper, also known as the
Munster Express!: "Twas in de Munstaar, boi!", when wan of de lads get caught with
drugs on 'em, 'day be in the Munstaar, boi!' "It was in The Munster express,
sir!"

No boddar - No bother: "Dat was no boddar, boi" ; "That was no problem,sir"

Ossified - Pis*ed

Rats, In de - Pis*ed

'Stawlen' - Kissing, as in 'stawlen' de head off a young wan in the back of de
cearr" = " kissing a girl in the back of my car."

Shup - Shut up!

Sketchy - An unattractive girl; "Sheee's sum sketch, boi"; 'That girl is rather
unattractive, sir.'

Spon's, spondoolocks - Used to mean pounds, now have to assume it means Euro's, "Have ya
anee spondoolocks, boi?" ; "Have you any money, my friend?"

Taw'in -Talking "I'm taw'in to you boi, ja want yer go". "I'm talking
to you sir, would you like to fight on the matter?"

Willa - Will you? "Get us a packet a Tayyyyyyto Boi WILLA?!" , "Can you please purchase a packet of Tayto crisps for me my friend?"

'Ung wan; A girl

You know the deal. Hit the ipod to shuffle, write down the song that comes up.

Opening Credit:
Three Suns and One Star-Down

Waking Up:
Fuckin' Up-Pearl Jam

First Day At School:
In Loving Memory-Alter Bridge

Falling In Love:
Alive-Pearl Jam

Fight Song:
Perfect-Alanis Morissette

Breaking Up:
Forgiven-Alanis Morissette

Prom/Dance:
Stairway to Heaven-Led Zeppelin

Life's OK:
Wheels Within Wheels-Rory Gallagher

Mental Breakdown:
Ironic-Alanis Morissette

Driving:
Crazy Mary-Pearl Jam

Flashback:
Mayonaise-Smashing Pumpkins

Getting Back Together:
Say it ain't so-Weezer

Birth of Child:
You'll Be In My Heart-Phil Collins

Wedding:
Breakerfall-Pearl Jam

Final Battle:
Fortune Faded-Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Death Scene:
Substitute-The Who

Funeral Song:
I Can't Remember-Alice in Chains

End Credits:
Suicidal Dream-Silverchair





.....cool!