Rules of Crashing Weddings

Rule #1 - Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
Rule #2 - Never use your real name.
Rule #3 - Never confess.
Rule #4 - No one goes home alone.
Rule #5 - Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.
Rule #6 - Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7 - Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8 - Be the life of the party.
Rule #9 - Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10 - Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11 - Sensitive is good.
Rule #12 - When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule #13 - Bridesmaids are desperate - console them.
Rule #14 - You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule #15 - Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16 - Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #17 - Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
Rule #18 - You love animals and children.
Rule #19 - Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule #20 - Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
Rule #21 - Definitely make sure she's 18.
Rule #22 - You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
Rule #23 - There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
Rule #24 - If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule #25 - You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.
Rule #26 - Of course you love her.
Rule #27 - Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
Rule #28 - Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule #29 - Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30 - Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
Rule #31 - If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
Rule #32 - Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33 - Never go back to your place.
Rule #34 - Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35 - Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #36 - Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
Rule #37 - At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule #38 - Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket to the pavement.
Rule #39 - The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
Rule #40 - Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
Rule #41 - Never hit on the bride -- it's a one way ticket to the pavement
Rule #42 - Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
Rule #43 - At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Rule #44 - Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after. But don't talk about it.
Rule #45 - Always remember your fake name! Rehearse it in advance and make sure you know your fellow Crasher's code-name as well!
Rule #46 - The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
Rule #47 - You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #48 - Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancée.
Rule #49 - Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule #50 - Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.

Rule #51 - Always pull out in time.
Rule #52 - Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
Rule #53 - It's time to put your Drama Lessons in practice! Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive." Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
Rule #54

Hi there all,

Just to let you know that yes I am unbreakable.

I went to the hospital there, because at rugby training tonight I got tackled and went right over on my leg (not just a bit over, right over). There was an almighty crack and I was flapping about like a fish on dry land. After a bit I hobbled off for a shower. When i went to get changed, I tried to put a sock on and was sick (not as the smell or because I could bot reach) because of the pain.

I then went white (whiter than I am at the moment) and was sick again. Then I was sick again.

So I thought I should go to the hospital. I was seen right away ( I told them I knew John Smeaton). I got an x-ray (and a certificate for sitting still) and then I was told that it was only soft tissue damage.

I was relieved to hear this, as I will only be out for a week.

Thank feck.

See my new picture of me in hospital.

The phrase "like a big dug eating beetroot" is used to describe an endeavour in which the participant employs the same gusto as a dog would when eating beetroot.