Funny United
When I was just a little boy,
I asked my Mum,
"What shall I be?",
Shall I be City?
Shall I be United?
And here's what she said to me;
"Wash your mouth out son,
You'll never be City scum,
You'll always be United son,
Till the day you die".

Barcelona 1999
We went down to Barça one fine day in May,
With all the fans drinking to Busby's birthday,
And when it was over, and when it was done,
We'd defeated Bayern Munich by two goals to one.

The first was by Teddy, he out-foxed the rest,
The second by ¡Ole!, to finish our quest,
We could have scored 4 and we could have scored 9,
But we didn't start playing 'til injury time!

The Germans they thought that they had it sewn up,
Their ribbons were already tied on the Cup,
But Teddy said "Hang on, it's not over yet",
As he steered the ball into the back of the net.

From Beckham's next corner, Teddy got the first touch,
And Ole Gunnar Solskjaer said "Thanks very much",
The Bayern defenders fell down to the floor,
As from round the Nou Camp came an almighty roar!

If they'd asked the Scousers or Juventus Turin,
They'd have known it's not over 'til the fat lady sings,
When you're playing United, as they found to their cost,
One minute you're winning and the next you have lost!

United keep fighting and never give up,
That's why we're the Champions and we've won the Cup,
We're Champions of Europe too, we've won them all,
We're Manchester United, the Kings of Football!

Q. Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A. They had pictures of Arsenal players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What do you have when 100 Arsenal fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. Why do Arsenal fans plant potatoes round the edge of their gardens?
A. So they have something to lift at the end of the season.

A little bit of Rooney in our lives,
A little bit of Giggs down the sides,
A little bit of Neville is what we need,
A little bit of Solskjaer with his speed,
A little bit of Rio in defense,
A little bit of Saha he's immense,
A little bit of Singing from the fans,
A little bit of O`Shea he's your man,
A little bit of Scholes he's pure class,
A little bit of Smith he'll kick your @$$,
A little bit of Heinze over here,
A little bit of Park he's no queer!!
A little bit of Brown cant be beat,
A little bit of Ronaldo with his quick feet!!

God made Rivers,
God made Lakes,
God made Man City,
Well we all make mistakes

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|MAN UNITED truck | '|""";.., ___.
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"(@ )'(@ )""""*|(@ )(@ )*****(@

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-|_MAN UNITED FAN BUS_|_|____\
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< _(@'@)_____________|_|(@>

I Saw my mate,
the other day,
he said to me,
I've seen the white pele!
So I asked who is he?
he goes by the name of,
Wayne Rooooney!
He goes by the name of,
Wayne Rooooney!

We love united we do,
we love united we do,
we love united we do
oh united we love you!!

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Imagine if all the major brands started selling their own condoms and kept their original tag-lines.

>>>Sainsbury condoms - making life taste better

>>>Tesco Condoms - every little helps

>>>Nike Condoms - Just do it

>>>Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life

>>>KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good

>>>Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hand

>>>Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load

>>>Abbey National Condoms - because life is complicated enough

>>>Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing

>>>Ever Ready Condoms - keep going and
going

>>>Pringles Condoms - once you pop, you can't stop

>>>Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper

>>>Goodyear Condoms - "for a longer ride, go wide"

>>>Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?

>>>Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard
work

>>>Halford Condoms - we go the extra mile

>>>Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you

>>>Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long

>>>Renault Condoms - size really does matter!

>>>Domestos Condoms - gets right in the rim

>>>Heineken Condoms -reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach

>>>Carlsberg Condoms - probably the best condom in the world

>>>Pepperami Condoms - its a bit of an animal

>>>Polo Condoms - the condom with the hole!! (VERY poor seller !!)

>>>McDonalds Condoms - I'm Lovin' it!