Fleas dream of buying themselves a dog, and nobodies dream
of escaping poverty: that one magical day good luck will
suddenly rain down on them- will rain down in buckets. But
good luck doesn't even fall in a fine drizzle, no matter
how hard the nobodies summon it, even if their left hand is
tickling, or if they begin the new day with their right foot, or
start the new year with a change of brooms.
The nobodies: nobody's children, owners of nothing. The
nobodies: the no ones, the nobodied, running like rabbits,
dying through life, screwed every which way.
Who don't speak languages, but dialects.
Who don't have religions, but superstitions.
Who don't create art, but handicrafts.
Who don't have culture, but folklore.
Who are not human beings, but human resources.
Who do not have names, but numbers.
Who do not appear in the history of the world, but in the
police blotter of the local paper.
The nobodies, who are not worth the bullet that kills them

1. Full Name: Malcolm Alexander Hamilton porter
2. Nicknames: malcy, malcypops ect ect
3. Birthday: 7th january
4. Place of Birth: southhampton general hospital
5. Zodiac Sign: capricorn
6. Male or Female: male
7. Grade: S3
8. School: Peebles High
9. Occupation: None/student
10. Residence: Eddleston
11. MSN Screen Name: malcolm

__Your Appearance___

12. Hair Colour: dark brown
13. Hair Length: Mid-long
14. Eye Colour: hazel
15. Freckles:a few
16. Height: 5'4"ish
17. Shoe size: 7-8
18. Braces: had them but not any more yay
19. Glasses?: yes, but only wear them in school
20. Piercings: no
21. Righty or Lefty: Lefty

___Your 'Firsts'___

22. First best friend: cannot remember, dont remmeber anything from downsouth
23. First Award: Dunno
24. First Sport You Joined: bikin
25. First pet: never had any
26. First Real Vacation: australia
27. First Concert: biffy clyro
28. First Fancy: dont remember

___ Favorites___

29. Movie: Don't have one
30. TV programmene: the big bang theory and skins
31. Colour: Red (danger)
32. Rapper: hate them
33. Band: cant choose im afraid
34. Song Right Now:???
35. Friends:too many to list
36. Sweet: to many to list
37. Sport to Play: climbing
38. Restuarant: dont know dont care
39. Favorite brand: fook knows
40. Store: dont know
41. School Subject: dont know
42. Animal: huskies
43. Book: i like quite a few books, mortal engines ect are goood
44. Magazine: dont know
45. Shoes: me got like 13 pairs hehe

___Currently___

46. Feeling: bored but not tired grr
47. Single or Taken: Single
48. Have a crush: now why would i tell you that?
49. Eating: air
50. Drinking: air
51. Typing: This...
52. Scared of?: dont know to be honest
53. Listening To: the clash
54. Thinking About: this
55. Wanting To: find something interesting
56. Watching: The computer
57. Wearing: Jeans and t-shirts and hoody

___Your Future___

58. Want Kids?: hmm not decided yet funnily enough
59. Want to be Married?: hmm not decided yet
60. Careers in Mind: architect o0 buildings very fun
61. Where do you want to live: dont ask me that lol
62. Car: yup, a nice estate i think

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

63. Hair color: dont care
64. Hair length: dont care
65. Eye color: doesn't matter!
66. Measurments: dont care
67. Cute or Sexy?: dont care
68: Eyes or Lips: hmm this is rather puzzling
69. Hugs or Kisses: huggles
70. Short or Tall: both, dmn now me confuzzled
71. Easygoing or serious: easygoing
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: randomness
73. Fatty or Skinny: in the middle, not fat so i suffocate but not skinny they snap
74. Sensitive or Loud: both hehe
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: both
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: meh

___Have you ever______

78. Kissed a Friend: possibley, when me drunked
79. Had Alcohol: yup
80. Smoked: hell no, i want to live passed 30 thank you very much.
81. Ran Away From Home: sort of
82. Broken a bone: lots yes hehe
83. Got an X-ray: like 60 haha
84. Been with someone: depends what you mean
85. Broken Someones Heart: dunno
86. Broke Up With Someone: probs
87. Cried When Someone Died: probably
88. Cried At School: when i like hurt myself yes

___Do You Believe In___

89. God: nope, above is only sky, i am no slave tot hat which does not exist
90. Miracles: depends
91. Love At First sight: abit
92. Ghosts: yeh there soo fun
93. Aliens: hopefully
94. Soul Mates: sorta
95. Heaven: nope, when i die i just want to be left undisturbed but dont car where
96. Hell: same as heaven
97. Angels: hope not
98. Kissing on The First Date: depends on how drunk you are
99. Horoscopes: nope, they mean noting, just one insane persons ignorance

1. What do you call a Chav in a box? Innit.
2. What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
3. What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it? Safe.
4. What do you call an Eskimo Chav? Innuinnit.
5. Why are Chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride.
7. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try >not to hit him? It might be your bike.
8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night? "What you lookin' at?"
10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box? Paint three stripes on it.
11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving? The police
12. What do you call a Chav with 9 GCSEs? A liar.
13. What do you say to a Chav with a job? Can I have fries with that?
14. What do you say to a Chav in a suit? Will the defendant please stand
15. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame? A Nova seats 4
16. What do you call a 30 year old chavette? Granny.
17. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? A start.
18. Why did the Chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.
19. What do you call a Chav at college? The cleaner.
20. Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins? Society