Sagstallap Part 2.



Last Time…"No, I won't marry you", "Fine, Ill Kill You Bitch!" …

"What do you mean, can't go back? WE HAVE TO!", "NO, WE CAN'T!"…

"I must say, that was the best time of my life!", "I agree"




Ok enough of this Shit…its time for SAGSTALLAP…PART 2



So….There I am, out in the middle of no where, with some people trying to hunt this, Sagstallap thing. Sounds fun don't it. Well, our group which was filled with famous celebrities such as, Mark Latham, John Edward, Jimmy Barnes and Gary Coleman to say the least, was becoming rowdy. Joe Pug was singing Abba, Mark Latham was stealing from everyone's pockets and Gary Coleman was punching little animals to make himself feel bigger. I walked away, and found somewhere to sleep.



I woke up in the morning, with the group running past. "WE'VE FOUND IT…SAGSTALLAP IS OVER THERE!" I got up and followed. John Edward ran over to something in the corner, and grabbed a grenade. I ran over. "Dude…that's a squirrel, not Sagstallap or whatever.", "No…its Sagstallap" he replied "Ahhh, no it's not", "Yes it is", "No, its a squirrel", "No its not", "IT'S A FUCKING SQUIRREL MARK FUCKING LATHAM!!", "No its not"

The Next day I was in jail, charged with murder.



I was surprised when my court hearing, a day after that, The Sagstallap hunting team came in and got me off. "THIS MAN IS NEEDED FOR SAGSTALLAP HUNTING!"

The judge agreed and I got off. He said it was only John Edward, so no harm done.

I was back hunting this thing. Oh joy!



After 5 days in the field, I went walking. To my absolute fucking surprise, I saw this Sagstallap thing. Another surprise was, the group followed me. 'THERE IT IS, KILL IT", "NOOOOOOO" some voice yelled out. It was Sagstallap. "IT'S ME, IT'S ME" suddenly, Sagstallap was unzipping something. To everyone's surprise, someone hopped out. Sagstallap was a man wearing a suit. But, to everyone's shock, that man was Albert Einstein!



It took 10 minutes for him to explain everything.

"How come your alive?", "Well, when I was working in the atomic bomb during WWII I accidentally created a time machine. So, when the reports said I died, I didn't. I went to the future, which is now!"

"Ok, ok" Joe Pug said, "But there's one thing. Sagstallap had an advanced knowledge of Physics! SO HA, IT CANT BE YOU!!"

Everyone stared at him.

WACK! Joe was killed.



The End



OR IS IT??

It was a peaceful April Morning. Everyone was getting up going to work, kids were jumping and hopping on their way to school, and George Bush just bombed another country. It was a typical day. But, something was troubling one man. One man by the name of Joe Pug.



As I was walking down the road, I saw some banners completely covering about 10 buildings on the main street. Hmm, someone's trying to get their message across, don't ya think? So, I looked at one of the banners. It said in bold letters, EVERYONE MEET AT THE TOWN CENTRE, TODAY 3PM!

I thought to myself, and then remembered I was planning to solve world hunger. "Fuck that, ill go" I said to myself.



3pm came along, and I attended the meeting. I took a seat and waited.

After about 5 minutes, a man appeared on stage. I recognised who he was. It was Joe Pug. "PEOPLE" Joe yelled in a harsh, girlish like voice. "THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT TO HAPPEN...A FORCE IS ABOUT TO ARISE…", "DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING YELL, YOUR TALKING INTO A MICROPHONE CUNT!" someone yelled out. "Oh, sorry….yes, I can talk normally" the crowd cheered. Joe continued… "There is something out there that threatens our way of life! I am of course talking about Sagstallap!" I thought to myself, what the fuck is a Sagstallap? But I must have said that out loud. "SAGSTALLAP!! WHAT IS SAGSTALLAP? IT'S THE CROSS OF A SQUIREL AND A PIG!"…"ok, why's it called Sagstallap?" I yelled back.

"Sagstallap stands for 'Some Absolutely Gay Squirrel That Apparently Looks like a Pig'" "O….K" I yelled out. Everyone looked in shock. Joe told everyone to take a break



We came back after the break, to Joe rambling more about Sagstallap. "Sagstallap is incredibly wise. We fear that Sagstallap is genetically superior to all of mankind, has eyes that shoot laser beams and has an advanced knowledge of physics!" The crowd erupted in panic. People were smashing things, reading physics books, and having orgies with ham sandwiches. Those poor, poor sandwiches.

"We must assemble a team to fight and destroy any Sagstallap that remains!"



So, the whole town, in panic, made their way to the edge of the city, where the forest is. Joe assembled a team of people to fight what ever this Sagstallap is. Naturally, I was selected (otherwise I wouldn't be writing about it). We headed out to the forest to catch this 'thing'. Of course, I didn't give a fuck. I'd still rather do this, than solve world hunger.



So, who will catch Sagstallap? Will it be A) John Howard - Prime Minster of Australia, B) Cristano Ronaldo – Soccer Player, C) Rikki Lake – Talk Show Host, or D) Your Mum?

All this will be revealed in part 2 of…Sagstallap the Story

Well..it all started on a peaceful day in October. (Why October i dont know...) The Birds were singing, the trees were waving about. But there was something sinister in the air that day.

A little group that go around trying to convert people were becoming frustrated that people kept saying no and slamming the door on their face. So...they came up with a plan (what else??) to guarentee people to convert.
So the Mormon elders gathered on that fine, 25 degree day inside a rusty old van, coming up with plans. After hours of talking and arguing..they came up with their most brilliant plan.

Well..thats when i was at home. I was sitting alone in my lounge room, when, suddenly, appearing out of no where (though, most likely the end of my drive way) were too people dressed in black and white suits. They were Mormons.
Then...the knock at the door...they were waiting

After shouting fuck as loud as humanly possible, i got up, destoryed half of the lounge room, and even threw my tv out the window, hoping to let them know i was pissed off. Eventually i reached the front door, flug it open and said in the loudest, angriest voice possible...Howdy!
"Hello sir, i hope you are having a fine day...isnt it a fine day?" "Meh" i said.
"Well..we are sorry about pulling you away from destorying your house sir, but we were wondering if we could have a second of your time to...", "FUCK OFF" i said in the most polite way possible and slammed the door, almost breaking it in half.

Anyway..as i was heading back to the lounge room, a knock at the door again..."Hmm...wonder who that could be??" I answered. It was still the mormons. Except this time they were holding a shotgun to my head. "OK MOTHER FUCKER! WE TRIED TO BE FUCKING NICE, NOW, YOU WILL BECOME A FUCKING MORMON, OR WE'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF....understand?" "YOU JUST CONVERTED ME" i said very quickly.
"Good...well..heres your starters pack". They handed me some booklet thing, and walked off...disappearing at the end of my drive way.

On the news that night, the news caster looked very odd. And he only talked about how great the mormons were, and everyone should join. I was thinking to myself, is it just me, or does he have a shotgun hanging off his head? Oh well i thought to myself, and headed off to bed. Yeah...at 6:30pm.

I woke up in the morning, and saw the headline on the papers. 'THE MORMONS ARE BRILLIANT!' Thats when i realised OH FUCK...I DIDNT HAVE ANY DINNER! IM HUNGRY. So thats when i rushed into the ktichen and made myself something to eat. During eating it...i soon realised...OH FUCK...THE MORMONS HAVE TAKEN OVER!

Well...at about that point the world blew up, and somehow, as we all had converted to the mormon religon, we were let into heaven. Well...what a happy ending for everyone. But..2 days later, everyone was sent back to Earth for some reason. Possibly cause no one had 3 Fity to enter heaven. Thats when i suddenly realised that St Peter looked awfully alot like the Lockness Monster.....

THE END

....or is it???


....yes it is