y for yes, n for no
[_]go out with me?
[_]ask me out
[_]give me your number?
[_]kiss me?
[_]let me kiss you?
[_]watch a movie with me?
[_]let me take you out to dinner?
[_]let me drive you somewhere
[_]take a shower with me?
[_]be my bf/gf?
[_]have a fling with me?
[_]let me buy you a drink?
[_]take me home for the night?
[_]Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[_]Sing car karaoke with me?
[_]re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[_]give me a piggyback ride?
[_]Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of petrol in
the middle of nowhere
[_]have a relationship with me?
[_]Dance with me?
[_]Let me make you breakfast?(I can cook btw)
[_]Spank that arse?
[_]Help me with homework?
[_]Tickle me to death?
[_]Let me tickle you?
[_]Stick up for me if i was being put down?
[_]Carress my body?
[_]Play strip poker with me?
[_]Say yes if i asked you out?
[_]Get wasted with me?
[_)Instant message me?
[_]Greet me in public?
[_]Hang out with me in public?

Their Father, who bullshits in heaven,
trodden on be thy name,
Thy penis creates cum
thy will be bummed,
on earth as thy is in heaven
Give us this day our daily head.
And forsake us our trespasses,
as we murder those who tresspass against us.
And lead us into temptation,
give us evil.
For thine is the kingdom, the foolishness and the blackmail, forever and ever. A-fucking-men!!

Strange labels

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???.....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????....)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness..." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere? I wonder what sort of consumer complaint led to this brilliant advice!!!!)


words of wisdom

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. (It wont be nice)

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is at age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you anyway.
just