Just had to share this one.

My best mate was dating Angelina Jolie (not jealous... she was taking one for the team) however she was complaining to me that she thought Jolie was a sexual deviate. Me and my mate were outside where there was a river type thing, and all these beautiful large trees. You know, the moist ones that engulf the water so all you can see is darkness when you try and see your reflection.

All of a sudden this key with an extremely large yellow tag hanging on a nail in a tree catches my mates eye. She knew what it was... she had been dreading ever coming across this.

She lifts it to find an odd shaped lock under the tag in the tree. She looked at me with anger and disappointment at the same time... yet a slight glimps of mischeviousness (if thats a word?) somewhere deep in her glaring eyes.

We place the key in the lock and all of a sudden dozens of beautiful women start to rise from the water without the disturbing its peacefulness at all. They emerge from the tress and the ground, angelic in nature. No words can describe to you the way these women could make you feel... we were the centre of their existance!

Little did we know that Jolie had snuck up behind us! She let out a sigh. My mate jumped around and started to yell at her (i just stared in admiration). "do you see what we have found you sex freak... what, im not enough for you... why couldnt we talk about this..." (I wasnt so upset at finding it!) You know, the usual stuff that comes from crazy lovers when they discover deceipt! Jolie couldnt get a word in. At this, my mate put the key in again and turned it. "See, all your beautiful ladies... cant get enough can you..."

"I wouldnt have done that if i was you..." "Try and stop me you bitch" "oh well, i did try and warn you... See, this is why we couldnt have talked about it you are jus..."

Her voice trailed off into the distance as i see the world around me (include all the hot ladies) turning dark. My mate stops yelling at her missus as we enter another existance. One that still makes me feel dirty now that i am awake and in a somewhat safer place.

There is a loud crashing noise... i cant see two feet of f&^k all. I hear Jolies voice telling us to just run with it. My mate starts screaming at her again; things i dare not repeat as to damage Jolies reputation, and then to this we hear the most horrorfying squeeky little pure evil voice saying "uh uh... temper temper".

Dont ask me how i know this b/c it is something i never want to relive but turns out this devil thing screws you rotten and then some. The key can only be used once a day, it was designed to help Jolie control her sexual devianceness (agian-a word?)

i woke in a cold sweat...