01-06-2007
Venue: County Clare, the Burren
Occassion: Road Trip
Quotes:"CHILD"....no no just a song,"Lets get some nibbles"
(the following was said on the pot during some troubling toilet sessions)"Oh this is gonna burn","I think i have gonnorhea...its ok ciara","I've gotta sit back down again"
5 min later: Yes...im going in again,"Jesus, that chicken came out fast","All im shitting is air","There's gonna be some interesting torch positions needed","Its ok, i dont need to look around until the third wipe"
Richie: "CAW...i think thats the wind..no waits its not"
Paula: "u shook it good"
Ciara: "Oh shit, my mants caught fire","Whats the masturbation statistics in Ireland".(the following took place in a hotel)
Jerry: "I'll let ya know if im havin dessert in 5 min"
5min later Jerry texts from the toilet
"Oh that aint good,Some poor guy just came into the toliet, it would appear he has similar problems","Air and stones","Oh the burning","Do you think its possible to get industrial toilet paper?","Suppose i better wipe","Ha, did anyone bring sudocream"
Antics:5.45am: Jerry takes a BIG smelly shit
5.50am: Jerry goes for a second wipe
CRT make the radio(spin name game)........Oliver...TWIST!,120e for shopping, carring boxes to car...2 cans fall but survive. NO fridge of running water!NO Shower,Driving Lessons in the field and ciaras wee fish tail,Fly Killing...lots of it, some spiders and some moths, climbing the mountain and leaving bottle of vodka with a message in it, going to get fudge and some cheese, getting burnt, mussels, poker, Grudge dvd, no lights, dumping very cold water over ciara only to receive numerous buckets myself, handbrakes in the field, that massive hill, sex, few walks, gloves and ball, the fire with some petrol usage....
Rating: 10/10

The Mayonnaise Jar and the 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24
hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2
cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items
in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a
very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf
balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it
was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them
into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the
jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into
the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once
more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the
table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the
empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

”Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you
to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are
the important things--God, your family, your children, your health,
your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and
only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles
are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else--the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there
is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never
have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your
happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to
clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls
first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just
sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just
goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's
always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

What is the Wicker Scale?

Well as u may have experienced at some time or another misunderstandings can occur when swapping stories about the nite out with ur mates when the issue of "how drunk were u comes up" i.e the words u may use to describe how locked/hammered/gee-eyed/wasted/bolloxed (to name a few) or otherwise u were and ur understanding of such terms will most likely vary from other peoples'. This can lead to stories about stupid things u or ur mates did being taken with more (or more importantly less) humiliation than was intended plus de further up the scale u are the more excuses u have, especially when it comes to women/men u may have had something to do with/regret doin something with.

The solution which has come from countless minutes of debate and reasoning is the following scale, The Wicker Scale, which clearly defines the level of drunkenness which u so happened to experience on any given nite and the correct/acceptable terminology which may be used to describe such levels. The scale ranges from 1 to 5 (1 being the minimum and 5 the maximum levels that a juicer can reach) with possible additions in the future subject to nomination and seconding by an official juicebomber (semi-finalist minimum), themselves having reached a minimum of level 4, a state of wickerness, on at least 1 occasion during their respective careers. The scale also provides a list of Characteristics/Traits, which are associated with each individual level for clear identification of ur own distinctive level on the nite in question. It is worth noting that it is not necessary to display all listed characteristics of any 1 level to be classed as that level however a minimum of 2 is required.


Level 1:
Loose / Tipsy / Fresh
General feeling of lightness, less than 3 drinks consumed, eyes are still ok, total control.
Cannot use as an excuse for anything, unless a bet is made.


Level 2:
Drunk
Eyes may start to drift, confidence is growing, control level should still be high, need to go for a piss is regular, ball-park of 5-6 drinks, suggestible, dance floor is appealable (guys only), will need to buy food afterwards, dignity remains intact.
Can use as an excuse for small things only like grabbing someone’s ass/ saying something stupid. Although u shouldn't need an excuse for anything u do, if this is not the case please refer to the scale again and check for possibility of level 3 but do not lie!


Level 3:
Locked / Hammered / Gee-eyed / Bolloxed
Eyes are gone, control levels consist of knowing what ur doing is stupid but u do it anyway, slight delay from the telling ur body to do something and the actual occurrence of the action, feeling of invincibility, random stories get worse/ talking shite, pissing like a race horse, doubtful u haven't been on de dance floor, forgetting small details the next day/ as the nite progresses (e.g. peoples names/having said something to someone), most likely a hangover will be present in the morning (either stomach or head or both), dignity is diminishing but still salvageable.
Can use as an excuse for more general actions like the way u dance, the topics of conversation u brought into play (e.g. THE QUESTION) and saying something u didn't mean due to ur inability to form sentences quick enough (although u may still get ur ass kicked in a fair manner).


Level 4:
Wicker / Gee-eyed
Control has been forfeited / placed into the hands of a higher power, experiencing a lethargic state, walking a straight line has become a challenge although running after a taxi with ur pants down is still accomplishable, slurring words and a distinct lack of sense in ur conversation, getting sick, chances of scoring have been severely limited if u did major assistance would be required to perform by the other person involved, will spend a lot of time in the toilet due to the difficulty involved in the task, slight memory loss (entire conversations / events are blanked out) with a chance of recovery at