You believe that all bleeding stops ... eventually.

You find humor in other people's stupidity.

You believe that 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.

Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.

You plan your dinner break whilst lavaging an overdose patient.

Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers.

You believe chocolate is a food group.

You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group.

You have the bladder capacity of five people.

Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.

You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.

You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign a self discharge form so you don't have to deal with them any longer.

You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.

You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet isn't it".

You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm.

You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers at the grocery store.

You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide ... Doing It Right".

You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription to "Guns and Ammo" magazine.

You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".

You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

You think that caffeine should be available in I/V form.

You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.

You play poker by betting ectopics on ECG strips.

You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control.

You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset.

Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 hours / days / weeks / months / years)?".

You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food.

Your idea of gambling is an blood alcohol level pool instead of a football pool.

You shock someone with an unrecognizable rhythm ... until you get one you DO recognize.

You believe a book entitled 'Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time' will be your next project.

You have ever referred to someone's death as a 'transfer to part 3 accomodation'.

You call subcutaneous emphysema "Rice Krispies".

Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.

When I created the heavens and the earth, I talked them into being.? When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.? But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate.? I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.

From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.

You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart.? His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.? The ribcage will allow itself to be broken before it
will allow damage to theheart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body.

You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him.? You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.

You are my perfect angel. You are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes-don't change them.
Your lips-how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep; I've held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like me.

Adam walked with me in the cool of the day? and yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love,? my protection and support. You are special because you are the extension of me.

Man represents my image, woman my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God. So man-treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile.? In hurting her,? you hurt me.What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father, and the heart of her? Father.

Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I? have given you.? In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

Did you not know that WOMAN was so special in God's eyes?? Now we really know!?

You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
harm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.
"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"