9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!

5. When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid 12 euro to come to the cinema and stare at the fuckin floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?

7. When something is "new and improved!"...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-ass?k

•••••
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you saying "Damn we fucked up, but that was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keeps it for so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Drink the rest of that! you know we don't waste!!!"

dictionary for decoding womens language!!
Ø 40-ish......49.
Ø Adventurous....Slept with everyone.
Ø Athletic....No breasts.
Ø Average looking....Moooo.
Ø Beautiful...Pathological liar.
Ø Emotionally Secure...On medication.
Ø Feminist.....Fat.
Ø Free Spirit.....Junkie.
Ø Friendship first....Former Slut.
Ø New-Age..Body hair in the wrong places.
Ø Old-fashioned....No B.J.'s
Ø Open-minded....Desperate.
Ø Outgoing.....Loud and embarrassing.
Ø Professional...Bitch.
Ø Voluptuous...Very fat.
Ø Large frame..Hugely fat.


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø Yes....No
Ø No..Yes
Ø Maybe...No
Ø We need....I want
Ø We need to talk....You're in trouble
Ø Sure, go ahead....You better not
Ø Do what you want....You will pay for this later
Ø I am not upset....Of course, I am upset, you moron!
Ø You're attentive tonight....Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø I am hungry....I am hungry
Ø I am sleepy..I am sleepy
Ø I am tired....I am tired
Ø Nice dress.....Nice cleavage!
Ø I love you....Let's have sex now
Ø I am bored...Do you want to have sex?
Ø May I have this dance?..I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Can I call you sometime?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Do you want to go to a movie?...I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Can I take you out to dinner?...I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø I don't think those shoes go with that outfit...I'm gay.