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X Laura X
- ♥ i live a very very very wild lifestyle ♥
- Me, Myself, and I
Well life is just peachy im a happy fun luvin kinda gal, any1 that knows me......UR A LUCKY MUTHAA FUCKAA!!!! lol. Love a night on the town never seem to be in these days the drink has got the better of me once & for all. Always up for a good laugh & NEVER take myself seriously, as mum says 'LAURA STOP MAKIN AN ASS OF URSELF, BE A LADY!' Im tryin mum i swear i am, 1 day i'll get promoted from mummys lil bitch 2 mummys lil princess......Pfft Chances!? Anyways if u see me out on the town please spare a buck or 2 for my taxi home coz i ALWAYS seem 2 spend my taxi £ on 'JUST 1 MORE SAMBUCA?' cum on make a difference 2 the lives of cold drunk girls out there.....Also if u could find my shoes & dignity while ur there that would be supaa! lol
If It’s Good, It’s Wonderful.
If It’s Bad, It’s Experience
- I BELIEVE IN.........
- Angels . . . . . . . . That things happen for a reason . . . . . . . .Love at 1st sight . . . . . . Miricles . . . . . . . Wot goes around comes around . . . . . Horiscopes . . . . Fate . . . . .Heavan + Hell . . . . . . . Wot will be wil be . . . . . .
- ★<<<------------- This is a star - look at the wee star i like stars I do I also like taking pictures on nights out and forgetting about em, them lookin at my camera the next day and reliving the night all over again *NODS*
- Life . . .
- . . . . . In my next life I want to live backwards!! You start ou dead and get out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked ou for being too healthy, go collect your pension and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alchol and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you sepnd your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm . . . I rest my Case!
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WHAT IS THE THIRD LETTER OF YOUR SURNAME?
A- I ATE..
B- I LICKED..
C- I SAT ON..
D- I PEED ON..
E- I HUMPED..
F- I CHASED..
G- I TACKLED..
H- I SHAT ON..
I- I STALKED..
J- I RAW AWAY WITH..
K- I FELL IN LOVE WITH..
L- I HAD A CRUSH ON..
M- I WANKED OVER..
N- I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH..
O- I PUNCHED..
P- I BIT..
Q- I SCREAMED AT..
R- I HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND WITH..
S- I WROTE A LOVE SONG ABOUT..
T- I TIED UP..
U- I HAD 69 WITH..
V- I SUCKED..
W- I POKED..
X- I SLEPT WITH..
Y- I MADE A MOVE ON..
Z- I WENT ON A DATE WITH..
FIND THE SECOND LETTER OF YOUR MIDDLE NAME...
A- A PROSTITUTE..
B- MY TEACHER..
C- GEORGE BUSH..
D- A RAT..
E- A TRAMP..
F- A SHEEP..
G- MY PLUMBER..
H- MY COMPUTER..
I- MY FINGERS..
J- A RABBIT..
K- A LEMMING..
L- AN APPLE..
M- TONY BLAIR..
N- A VIBRATOR..
O- A DILDO..
P- A MOVIESTAR..
Q- MY EX..
R- A BANANA..
S- A CUCUMBER..
T- A TUB OF VASELINE..
U- A PORNSTAR..
V- MY BARBIEDOLL..
W- AN ACTION MAN..
X- SOME CHEESE..
Y- A RANDOM GUY..
Z- SOME RANDOM WOMAN..
NOW FIND THE COLOUR OF THE UNDERWEAR YOU ARE WEARING...
RED- IN A TAXI..
BLUE- IN A BUSH..
GREEN- IN THE BATH..
BLACK- IN MY PARENTS BEDROOM..
WHITE- WHEN I WAS FIVE..
PINK- ON LIVE TV..
BROWN- WHEN I WAS A BABY..
PURPLE- ON THE BUS..
YELLOW- IN A CANDY STORE..
GREY- UNDER A COW..
ORANGE- IN A PIGSTY..
OTHER- BEHIND YOUR SOFA..
NOW FIND YOUR HAIR COLOR...
BLONDE- BECAUSE I WAS HIGH ON COCAINE!
BLACK- BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!
BROWN- BECAUSE IT TURNED ME ON!
GINGER- BECAUSE I'M MAD!
RED- BECAUSE I'M BORED OF THE USUAL!
STRAWBERRY BLONDE- BECAUSE I CAN'T FACE THE FACT THAT I AM GINGER!
!!*LEAVE UR SENTENCE IN A COMMENT I DONT THINK IT WILL BE FUNNIER THAN
0 Comments 175 weeks
Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity!
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8 . Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. Please feel free to add anything on how you manage to keep you insanity in Accordance With The Prophecy.
0 Comments 221 weeks
1) if u have a large order, please DO NOT ask for one drink at a time.....ask for them all together.
2)DO NOT wave money in my face to get attention.
3)DO NOT click your fingers in my face to get attention.
4)if you DO NOT want ice in your glass please specify this before i pour it.
5)DO NOT ask the bar staff to choose your drink.
6) DO NOT ask for cocktails at 1am on a saturday night.
7) DO not ask for 7 different cocktails.
DO NOT high five me, it wasnt funny at 7pm its still not funny at 2.30am.
9)DO NOT pretend to walk away without paying me...its not big and not clever.
10)DO NOT stand at the bar for ages then when i serve you turn and ask your friend what they are drinking.know before hand.
11)DO NOT order a drink and then realise you cannot pay for it.
12) DO NOT assume we remember what u have been drinking all night...and say "same again."
13)DO NOT try and dance with me over the bar.
14) DO NOT ask me to participate in any game/dare/debate u may be having with your frind...i dont care.
15) DO NOT tell me to smile or cheer up....im am frowning because YOU pissed me off.
16) DO NOT act like your my friend.
17)DO NOT act like i got your order wrong...we are sober and remember.
1 in the event of the above DO NOT watch us pour the drink and then say.
19)DO NOT ask me the price of 6 different drinks and then not order any of them.
20)DO NOT accuse us of not putting alcohol in your drink....its not our fault u cant taste it anymore.
21)DO NOT hold out ur palm with coins because u are too drunk to count...chances are ill charge you double and keep the change as a tip.
22) DO NOT forget to use your manners.
23) DO NOT cover your mouth when ordering a drink, part of our skills is to lip read your fucking wispers.
24)DO NOT in anyway use the bar as a prop in your sex romp....i will soak you with the water gun.
25) DO NOT stand at the no service end of the bar and expected to be served.....you are not staff.
26) just beacuse you are in campus EVERY night DO NOT expect to get served quicker than anyone else.
27) DO NOT abuse the staff in any way.
2 DO NOT bitch about the person that served you...chances are someone else will hear you thus resulting in no one serving you for the remainder of the night.
29) DO NOT hang about the bar if you have no intention of buying a drink.
30) DO NOT make eye contact with me so i have to walk all the way over to you for you to say "im being served." a simple hand in the air implies you have been served.
31)DO NOT try and pull every girl in campus then retire to the bar and ask us for our numbers. you are a creep. we are not intrested.
32) DO NOT ask for water at 3.05am. the bar is shut.
33) DO NOT attempt to join in any banter that the bar staff are having.you are no included.
STICK TO THESE SIMPLE GUIDELINES AND YOU WILL RECIEVE SERVICE WITH A SMILE....BREAK THEM AND YOU WILL DEHYDRATE.
0 Comments 229 weeks
close 69 things About Me
69 Things About Me
|Height||: 5 feet6|
|Weight||: eh just under 9st|
|Birthday||: 5 may|
|Town you were born in||: glasgow|
|Single or Committed||: single|
|Favorite band||: like loads|
|Favorite sports team||: celtic obv!|
|Favorite drink||: mmm any kind alcohol lol|
|Favorite getaway||: helicopter lmao|
|Favorite pasttime||: ehh|
|Favorite reality show||: big brither/ xfactor|
|Best thing to ever happen to you||: my beautiful daughter|
|Favorite clothes||: dresses|
|Your hair color||: brown/blonde|
|Pepsi or Coke||: irn bru|
|Do you kiss on the first date||: kiss on the lips|
|Chocolate or Vanilla||: vanilla|
|Favorite restaurant||: di maggios|
|Favorite movies||: ghost, green mile, american ganstar|
|Love or money||: both am greedy|
|Blondes or Brunettes||: tall dark and handsome|
|Your ambition||: take over the world|
|Ever bungee jumped||: want too but need to get pushed lol|
|Ever swam in the ocean||: yip|
|Ever been in love||: yeah|
|Ever broken someones heart||: told i have|
|Had your heart broken||: yeah|
|Broke a bone||: randomly no!|
|Favorite TV show character||: peggy mitchell lmao|
|Cats or Dogs||: dogs!|
|Pizza or Burger||: mmm both|
|Your first crush||: eh john campbell p5 and still friends|
|Ever lied to your parents||: haha would u believe me if i said no|
|Worst fear||: not been able to walk|
|Your weakness||: chocolate! brookes eyes|
|Any tattoos||: 5 want loads more tho|
|Favorite subject in school||: maths!|
|Kisses or hugs||: cuddles|
|Done anything you regret||: nope, never regret put it down as a bad experince|
|Passive or aggressive||: bit of both i suppose|
|Morning or Evening||: defo evening|
|Summer or Winter||: am a weirdo but both|
|Ever won a sports medal||: yeah for running aswell lol|
|Ever been out of your country||: yeah|
|Your dream vacation||: the golf and spa resort in mexico|
|Best gift you have received||: prob my car|
|Favorite Actor||: jim carry|
|Favorite Actress||: jolie!!|
|Best compliment someone gave you||: i look like rosie webster am a get u bk denis!|
|Do you hate anyone||: depends what mood am in|
|Hip-hop or Rock||: hip hop|
|Favorite perfume||: diamonds|
|Ever been fined by a traffic cop||: haha nope clean licence, god knows how tho!|
|Country you||: new york|
|Ever been to a drive-in-movie||: no|
|Ever lied to teachers in school||: haha of course|
|Craziest thing you||: eh done a lot of crazy shit|
|Your craziest dream in life||: teeth falling out now thats just mad lol|
|Ever dyed your hair||: yip|
|City you live in||: glasgow|
|Favorite day of the week||: any ending in a y|
|Favorite childhood memory||: my mums a bum dnt have any lmao|
|Do you swear a lot||: try not to nut it just happens|
|Ever puked at a party||: randomly no|
|Ever danced all night long||: every weekend|
|Have a crush on anyone||: yeah|
|Your best buddy these days||: still ma wife and she knows it!|
|Are you a health freak||: no chance|
|Vehicle you drive||: puddle jumper|