I should like to expand briefly on a theory I have held for quite some time.

The reason the earth is in such a bad state as it is is due to the influx of - Religion.

Yes, people seeking meaning in their life will be the downfall of mankind. Why? Not because it inspires in them false hopes, or promises never to be kept - But because man has a notoriety for changing things for his own good. All religions say if you aren't one of them you're going to hell. Christians say they have a God who loves them, but so does every other religion in the world. Why would a god so loving be prepared to send the people who never met him to hell?

Simple - Scare tactics. Join my cult or you'll burn in hell forever. Wear a turban or the demons of the underworld will eat your soul. Bow down and worship Christ or Satan will steal your soul.

Now - I'd be fine with the whole 'Go to hell if you're a downright fuckwit on earth' kind of idea. Mass-murder of hundreds of people should warrant a ticket. What I dislike is this entire 'If you're not following 'x' you're going to hell.' Now, there are people who won't have heard about 'x'. Ooops, they're fucked. People who might not UNDERSTAND 'x'. Ooops, you're fucked too.

Here's my idea. Madelyn'll know what I'm talking about so she might want to skip this part - Man that sounds so personal. ANYHOW.

Live your life the fullest you know how. Eat right, be friendly, don't kill people or steal or generally break the law. Lying's a bad idea. Don't smoke or do drugs. Alcohol in moderation. Why? Because this adds up to a life well lived. A life with minimal restraints so you can live and love fully on this earth - Which really is the meaning of life. To love. If you can live a life, love someone truly during that time... And die saying you lived a good life... I don't care what 'religion' you follow I think you should go to heaven. I think if you managed to care for your family, love your husband/wife, respect your mother/father, be a good friend to those around you and generally live a long, loving life... That's your ticket. You can't buy it. You can't say 'I killed someone but I don't litter, heaven please.' A genuine love will generally get you there.

Madelyn you can read now.

Why do I believe that should be how it is? Because it eliminates THESE things. The belief that one race is superior to the other, the belief that religion justifies war, that religious separation justifies human separation. It eliminates the whole 'coming of age' idea, and allows individuals to be adults at their own pace. It generally means people are nicer - Not because they have to be.. But because they want to be.

It eliminates so many different human elements that are designed to separate us. Cults? Gone. Terrorists, gone. Murder and crime down, marriage and divorce rate - rise and fall. It means no more searching for an answer no one can provide - But a safe knowledge love will get you through.

People make mistakes. This lets them genuinely turn away within themselves - Not to some god, priest or 'go between' for eternal salvation.

It simply means more of the world go to heaven and only those who deserve to get sent to play with Hitler and the like.

Man, not a lot of swearing. I must've done well. Enjoy, comment, read, take it in. If you say 'LOL UR TAKEN OVER BY THE DEVIL', I swear on my chair (Which I love, tyvm.), I will hunt you down and eat your hair.

This was inspired by the song Empty, by Ray Lamontagne.

I don't understand a lot of things in life. Why people lie. Cheat. Steal. Rape. Destroy, kill and plunder.

Why people can't forgive the past. Why people are prejudiced. Why there are so many people in the world who lie around in misery and no one ever knows.

I often try to let go, to forgive the past, and it unlocks a door, sets free a prisoner.

... That prisoner is me.

But it's like the door's jammed, or the prisoner has become too weak to leave. The door's right there, but you're too dead already to reach it. There's not a single helping hand around.

I wonder why people can't see in my eyes the pain I live through. I'm not emo, per se. I'm a wreck, yes. An emotional disaster. But I'm not someone who's whining.

I look around at the world, at people who smile and play and generally enjoy life. I look at them, and I compare myself to them. I see my pain, my setbacks, my failures, all played back in slow motion. I see the arrows, the cracks, the scars and the burns on my heart. I see the reminders of my past on my skin and in my eyes. I feel myself growing sadder the more happiness I see surround me. It's as though air is poison to me. I need it, oh god do I need it... But it kills me.

Will I always feel this way? So Empty, so estranged...

Every time I disappoint myself, I then go on to disappoint myself again with inaction.

Where are those helping hands I need? So many people 'offer' but never come through.

I'm in therapy, everyone thinks I'm going to kill myself...

And I don't blame them. I deserve to be in therapy, I do feel like killing myself. But... It's not those kind of points that I struggle with. It's how I came to be this way. I try to blame others, my parents, my siblings, old teachers, students, new teachers, random people, employers, everyone... And it's like even if I CAN blame them it all comes back to me anyway.

My greatest enemy is myself. I mess up, turn around, try again and trip up in the same place. Even if i jump the first hurdle, the second one gets me. Everything is simply replayed. All the rejection, the hurt, it all follows me and it haunts me. I try so desperately to let go of the past, but it has a way of moulding to my current situation, becoming real again and inflicting more damage.

Every second i waste, all the promises I've broken, all the times I've fucked up simply compound the intense disgust I have for my own life. Every lack of achievement, everything I do that I do wrong... It just makes me hate myself more.

I used to be afraid of the dark, as a child, because of what lurked in the shadows. Now i'm afraid of the light because I know what lurks in the shadows, and it's me. If i step into the light, I step into the picture, people take their shots at me and I retreat, broken and bleeding, once more. The shadows are safe. People can be scared of me, imagine I'm some kind of monster I wish i was. Never realising I'm just some scared fucker who's suffering in some corner.

I wish someone would reach into the darkness and love me. For christ's sake is that so much to ask? I let my life slip through my fingers so much. Words not spoken, actions not taken, affection left hidden... All for fear. Fear people wouldn't understand me. Fear I wouldn't understand myself.

And so I become silent. I lie to others, I block myself off, I become every bit that monster I wished I was but know deep down I am not. And I hate myself even more for that than for the fucking up.

I feel like I'm a piece of paper, whipped about in the wind. things swirl around, through, past me, and I never catch a glimpse, it never makes sense, I never know what I'm doing. I wait for life to take me where I need to go, for the wind to calm so I can see what I'm doing, where I am, so I can figure things out.

People never see what lies beneath the surface. And I guess that's what hurts most. That people don't see it coming,

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing and the Band
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...


Opening Credits: Suburban Me - In Flames

Waking Up: All That I know - One Less Reason

First Day At School: Survive - Rise against

Falling In Love: I didn't understand - Elliot Smith

Fight Song: Until the End - Breaking Benjamin

Breaking Up: Down to My Last - Alterbridge

Prom: Fly From the Inside - Shinedown

Life: Vanishing Light - In Flames

Mental Breakdown: Oh Well... Okay... - Elliot Smith

Driving: I am Loco - Ill Nino

Flashback: Follow Me - Braking benjamin

Getting Back Together: Collide - Howie Day

Wedding: Come Clarity - In Flames

Birth of Child: Food For The Gods - In Flames

Final Battle: I'm Alive - Disturbed

Death Scene: Angels Calling - Rooster

Funeral Song: Atonement - Opeth

End Credits: My Sweet Shadow - In Flames